I Am Strong
by Yamalover
Summary: Raidou was strong; but after 35yrs, the pretence falls apart & he becomes nothing. The two his fallen in love with are lost in one another and don't realise his anguish, his destined to be alone. After a mind numbing incident he curls up ready to accept his fate. Will Kotetsu and Izumo be able to make him strong again? Izu Ko Rai Izumo/Kotetsu/Raidou (contains syrupy fun too!)
1. Chapter 1

**I AM STRONG**

Raidou was strong; he became strong, acted strong because everyone thought he was strong. But what happens after 35 years the pretence falls apart & he becomes nothing. His scars run deep on the surface & inside. The two he loves are with another and don't realise his anguish, his destined to be alone. He curls up ready to accept his fate. Will Kotetsu and Izumo be able to make him strong again?

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**DISCLAIMER**: All Characters are Masashi Kishimoto's.

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**Chapter 1**

**Strong;** when people thought of Raidou Namiashi that was one of the first words that came to mind. But what is strong? Is it that his physically strong and powerful? A force to be reckoned with. Is it that his honourable and intellectually strong? The ability to protect others and be skilfully resilient under pressure. Or is it simply that his not weak, not easily upset or injured.

Raidou didn't mind his title of being strong; it gave him a reason for being. It let him hide his insecurities, his fears and his loneliness. After all, if enough people tell you, that you're strong both physically and emotionally you have no choice but to believe them. No matter how harsh the words that were thrown at you or how unforgiving the task at hand. He was strong. And that is exactly what Raidou became; he became strong, acted strong because he was _meant to be_ strong. Nothing else mattered.

But today, today Raidou tried, tried his damned hardest but he failed. 35 years of being nothing, nothing but strong and it all came crumbling down around him. What did he do now? What was he now? Raidou lay alone on the cold hard wooden floor covered in drying mud and coagulating blood. He curled himself into a tight ball on his side and covered his face as his body trembled and he gave into the pretence of being strong.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Time skip. The next few chapters will start to explain how it began. There's kind of a time skip within a time skip to explain it all. Will make sense (hopefully) as I finish the other chapters.

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**Chapter 2**

Izumo and Kotetsu manned the village gate. The village was in disaster after Pein's attack and the comings and goings of volunteers from nearby villages kept the two on their feet and alert for any danger. Kotetsu for once was taking his role seriously and Izumo found very few occasions to reprimand his best friend, his partner, his lover. He watched quietly with a smile as Kotetsu eyed a cart suspiciously "what's in there Oji San?" the spiky haired Chunin asked.

"Syrup" the cart driver replied. Kotetsu's eyes widened as Izumo's own narrowed _trust him to be able to sniff out syrup _Izumo thought. Kotetsu was just impossible sometimes. He approached the cart driver swiftly and pulled him to the side to check his papers pointing at the next cart for Kotetsu to deal with.

"But Zu..." Kotetsu began to protest but stopped abruptly as the one visible dark eye of his partner shot daggers at him. "Kasa, his so scary" Kotetsu muttered to himself "thank god he loves me" he sighed.

Kotetsu heard a small rumble of laughter behind him "Ko, what is it with you and syrup?" he turned abruptly with a smile which widened upon seeing the large tall frame of his friend Raidou.

"Rai" he beamed clapping Raidou on the shoulder and giving it a squeeze "Good to have you back". Raidou smiled back and waved to Izumo who was walking back towards them.

"Hi, Rai" he said beaming whilst scanning Raidou top to bottom for any sign of injury "Are you hurt anywhere?" he asked. Raidou smiled and shook his head.

"Of course his not! It's Rai, his strong and his awesome" Kotetsu said playfully nudging Raidou with his shoulder.

Raidou laughed "Thanks Ko, good to know someone still thinks so".

"Rai that's not what I meant, your still recovering from your injuries" Izumo replied sheepishly.

Raidou smiled reassuring "I know, I'm fine Izu, just tired. Two days of sleeping in the open night with more space than I could wish for and I couldn't sleep a wink" he muttered to them with a laugh ruffling Kotetsu's hair at the glare he got. "See you both at home". Izumo nodded and Kotetsu continued to growl trying to fix his hair again as they got back to manning the gate.

Izumo and Kotetsu and had lost their home during the latest attack on Konoha. Raidou, being good old reliable Raidou, had taken both of them in, it was the least he could do after his friends had lost everything. He was hardly there anyway, always on duty at the Hokage's side as her bodyguard or away on intelligence and assassin missions. Well now he had no Hokage to protect again, which made his heart clench in pain. Everyone had said it wasn't his fault but he knew better. If only he had been better, wiser, _stronger_, then maybe just maybe he could have stopped Akatsuki. He was glad to have Kotetsu and Izumo move in with him; it kept him out of his own head. Deep down he knew it wasn't his fault that Tsunade Sama had ended up in a chakra exhausted coma, he knew it wasn't really his fault that third Hokage had given up his life for the village but still, if only he had been stronger.

When the Chunins had moved in with him, he had willingly given up his room for them but they wouldn't take it. "Were not kicking you out of your own bed and room Rai" Izumo had argued "We'll just use the spare futon in the living room". But Raidou wouldn't hear of it.

"You're taking the bed guys, what kind of host would I be. Besides I'm hardly here anyway" he had stubbornly argued back. Izumo however was just as strong willed; he and Raidou went back and forth a number of times and got nowhere arguing about the room. Kotetsu watched with amusement at first but after an hour got tired of his stubborn headed lover and friend.

"ENOUGH!" he shouted getting both their attention and rubbed a hand at his face "We'll take the bed Rai" Raidou smiled and Izumo frowned and began to protest but Kotetsu held up his hand. "BUT…" he said looking at Raidou "But you have to share with us. We can't have you protecting the village after sleeping uncomfortably". Raidou glanced from one Chunin to the other in surprise. "There's more than enough room for all three of us" Kotetsu said with a shrug and Izumo smiled nodding in agreement.

"Ko you're a genius. I knew I kept you around for something" Izumo pulled Kotetsu in for an affectionate kiss making Raidou's heart skip a beat at the emotion he saw in it. Izumo pulled away a hand still on Kotetsu's face with his thumb caressing the cheek under the bandage the Chunin wore, "It's settled than Rai, when you're not on missions you'll sleep with us". Raidou just looked at them confused, did his friends even realise what they were offering him? "No Buts Rai" Izumo said looking at Raidou who was about to protest again.

"Unless of course, you want some" Kotetsu said with a smirk wiggling his hips suggestively. Izumo shook his head laughing, smacking Kotetsu on said butt as Raidou blushed and covered his face with his hands walking away from them. It wasn't like they didn't sleep in close quarters when they were on missions, this was no different really he told himself. He had shared a bed with two previously when they had gone after Hidan and Kakuzu; he had spent the time after Asuma's death curled up with them comforting the two as they wept into his shoulders. It was just that he was going to share a bed with his friends who were lovers, who he occasionally gazed at longer then it was probably acceptable and didn't know why he did so. It was going to be awkward but they didn't seem to think so. Raidou looked at the bed and as large as it was, he hoped there was enough space for him to sleep as far apart from them as possible.

Kotetsu saw Raidou staring at the bed and smirked "Rai you don't have to worry. I'm not going to jump you in your sleep. We _can_ control ourselves". He saw Raidou blush again and begin to stammer excuses of _that's not what I was worried about_, before adding "most of the time" with a grin and laughed with gusto as the elite Jounin went a deeper shade of red.

Raido Groaned _what have I done? _he thought as he helped the two settle. It was definitely going to be interesting with these two around...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Over the months the three men settled into a routine. Raidou shared a bed with the two Chunins which at first was, awkward. Raidou couldn't help but gaze at the two chests exposed to him in all their glory. Kotetsu slept between Izumo and Raidou and only wore sleeping shorts that hugged his well-toned muscled leaving little to the imagination. Izumo too only wore sleeping pants that showed off his nice assets. It wasn't like he hadn't seen the two naked before at the hot springs, but this to him felt much more intimate. Both Kotetsu and Izumo slept like they had no care in the world trusting that Raidou would protect them. Raidou being a Jounin and always prepared for battle slept nearest to the exit with sleeping pants that would pass as ninja trousers and a ninja vest that covered his marred body. It wasn't like his friends hadn't seen his scars before and knew they wouldn't judge him. He told himself it wasn't because he was self-conscious; it was _in case he was called to an emergency in the middle of the night._

Raidou also found that they were blanket hogs but luckily he was used to the cold. The first couple of nights he would wake every time Kotetsu's heated body curled against him. It would take him a little while to find his bearing and remember their situation. But one night he awoke to find his cheek resting on Kotetsu's head, who nuzzled the crook of his neck affectionately and was half sprawled on him. He moaned softly arching his back so Kotetsu could gain better access and felt himself hardening. When he came to, he abruptly removed himself from Kotetsu embarrassed. The sudden movement woke the black haired Chunin and Izumo who was wrapped tightly around Kotetsu's side. Kotetsu groaned in his sleep and smiled upon seeing Raidou's flushed face as he realised he was practically sleeping on top of the man and had just been cuddling with him. "Sorry Rai, wrong body. Thought you were Zu". Izumo laughed sleepily as they both shuffled to the other side of the bed to give Raidou more space. Kotetsu snuggled further into blanket but shivered feeling the cold. "Rai please let me hold you. Just tonight, you're like a furnace! I promise not to snuggle and tomorrow I'll wear a t shirt" he pleaded looking at Raidou with dark puppy eyes. Raidou sighed and settled back down reluctantly letting Kotetsu hug his back, breathing slowly so his little problem would go away, but Kotetsu's warm body up against him and the arm around his waist wasn't helping. Raidou didn't sleep any further that night; Kotetsu contrary to his word still nuzzled his neck. _Rations or not_, he thought _I am finding an extra blanket tomorrow _Raidou decidedly told himself

In the mornings, when Raidou wasn't on a mission, he always took the first shower to allow Izumo and Kotetsu time to be alone. He would usually come out to find a hot cup of tea ready for him and the smell of something being prepared by Izumo whilst Kotetsu grumbled past him to get his own shower. Raidou hardly ate real food and lived on Jounin rations. He never really had time for food shopping let alone cooking. Besides, cooking for one hardly seemed worth it and a waste of money to him. But Izumo was pretty persistent on preparing him a bento along with his own and Kotetsu's when Raidou was in the village. "Rai, it's the least I can do after all you've done for us" Izumo had argued "besides a big guy likes you needs to keep his strength up, your nearly as scrawny as Kotetsu!" he laughed as Raidou fidgeted embarrassed.

No one really paid much attention to Raidou, he was reliable, trustworthy and known to be sensible enough to look after himself. Genma was his best friend, Aoba and the other Jounins were on good terms with him having gone through the academy. Other than them, a lot of people didn't really befriend him, he wasn't the most approachable if he was honest with himself and the scar on his face intimidated or frightened many. But the two Chunins for some reason had stuck around. He had met them at the mission desk when they were first appointed Chunins, after he had been put on home duties for an ANBU injury. Kotetsu being curious by nature had approached him on the first day after watching Raidou talk down Kakashi over a mission and declared him 'awesome' and said his scar was 'bad ass'. Now, Raidou had been called a number of things ranging from ugly and scary to freak and cursed. But never _awesome_ or _bad ass_. He had frowned at the spikey haired bandage wearing loud mouthed Chunin, but Kotetsu didn't seem to notice and followed him around asking a thousand and one questions. Though the black haired Chunin was annoying, he did prefer the outspoken questions about his scars rather than the sly glances and mutters from others he pretended not to hear. After that Kotetsu would use _I'm going to visit Rai _as an excuse to procrastinate in the Jounin standby lounge and Izumo would have to come up and drag him back to work. Kotetsu had forced himself into Raidou's life and Izumo had followed. Before he knew it he was stuck with them and he still wasn't sure how or why.

The two Chunins to Raidou were unusual; they fought and argued over everything. Kotetsu was a grumbler and Izumo being the more mature and slightly older of the two kept him in line. Raidou found himself constantly laughing at them. Whatever it was they liked about him, he was glad to have met them and found he enjoyed their company greatly.

However, living with them was a new experience. The two were overly open about what they thought and how they felt and never seemed to be embarrassed by anything. Not even when he walked in on a stark naked Kotetsu doing his spikes or Izumo with a tenting bath towel wrapped around his waist as he ogled his boyfriend openly and winked upon seeing Raidou. Most of all, it seemed that their favourite pass time was to make Raidou uncomfortable and blush as often as possible. He didn't mind the kissing, the cuddling that Izumo and Kotetsu did, it was beautiful to see the love and affection they had for one another which was so fragile in a world full of hatred. But when Kotetsu threw constant innuendos at him he found himself turning red or groaning at the outrageous Chunin. And when Izumo would grind up against Kotetsu's ass when they were doing chores and thought he was out of sight, he would leave quietly as it stirred something in his body. He often felt like a third wheel; like when Kotetsu would pull Izumo into his lap and hand fed him from his plate lovingly, or as Izumo would coo over Kotetsu when he wasn't feeling well and grumbled more than usual. He would find reasons to excuse himself but Izumo and Kotetsu would always pull him back and never let go.

As awkward as it was sometimes, he did like living with them and coming back from a difficult mission to a warm house. To the welcome smell of Kotetsu cooking in the kitchen or to the clean lemon smell of disinfectant left behind after Izumo's latest war against some unseen germs. He loved coming back to see them both ready with a smile for him which made him forget all the pain and misery he saw on his missions or how close he had come to losing another team member. They would pull him onto the sofa with a plate full of warm food and a cold drink and distract him with the latest village gossip as he ate and got accustomed to civilisation again.

At first he used to feel out of place on the sofa as the two would curl up against each other but soon he found he was pulled into their embrace as Kotetsu would lean against him with Izumo in his arms or Izumo would rest his head in his lap with his feet in Kotetsu's. All three would sit together contently watching a movie with cold drinks in hand. Kotetsu often fell asleep half way through a movie and Izumo would carry him back to bed. Eventually Raidou took over that role and carried Kotetsu back to the bedroom and occasionally even Izumo after a tiring day at the mission office or gate duty with the extended work load everyone had to do.

-oOo-

Izumo and Kotetsu loved Raidou; they loved how much he cared and gave them, never asking for anything in return. They knew how much the third Hokage's, Asuma's and even Jiraiya's death had affected him but he had pushed aside his own pain to hold them and assure them that it would be OK. And now that Tsunade Sama was in a coma, they could see the strain in Raidou as he held himself together in quiet dignity. He had always been there for them and still was. He protected them, taught and trained them making sure that they were ready for any obstacle they would face. In return, they tried to be there for Raidou by making him laugh, making sure he ate properly and keeping his house in order when he was away. But being the Hokage's bodyguard and a special Jounin, he hardly had any free time. In the five months that they had been living with him, strong reliable Raidou was only ever with them a few days a week if they were lucky.

They could see how tired he was and how it affected his body, his tall large frame that was nothing but hard toned muscle. Occasionally he would come back and his body would be ebbed with melancholy that he tried to hide as soon as he saw sympathy in one of their expressions. The two Chunins on these occasions would share hugs and kisses to Raidou's temple indifferently, as they tried to wrap him in their warmth and friendship and fight the weariness of a mission seeking into his bones. They wished Raidou would relax around them more but the only time he looked anywhere near peaceful was when he slept and even then his nights were mostly restless.

The Chunins had found themselves awake a number of times hearing Raidou struggling and gasping for breath as he curled away from them trying not to wake them. At first they ignored the night tremors as they didn't want Raidou to feel uncomfortable because he pretended they didn't happen. However, after a bad fit one night, they decided to confront him. Raidou had put on a chauvinist front which was very unlike him and patted Izumo on the back and explained that sometimes he just found it hard to breathe and he'd get it checked out on his next medical. Before they could ask any more questions Raidou had formed quick hand signs '_gotta go' _he said promptly teleporting out. Kotetsu and Izumo were left staring at the puff of smoke left behind where their friend was a moment ago both with expressions of concern.

"Izumo?" Kotetsu asked wrapping his arms around his lovers' waist bringing him back to him as Izumo carried on staring into the receding smoke. "He'll be OK babe" he assured Izumo trying to believe his own words as he rested his head on the brunettes shoulder. They knew Raidou would never talk to them and admit he suffered from nightmares. Raidou didn't like to have weaknesses as it made him vulnerable like other humans and he believed he was nothing but a tool for the village. This was one of the things that hurt Kotetsu and Izumo the most when they realised Raidou thought his life was dispensable. That he wasn't worthy of friendship or love and there was no one out there for him. That fate intended him to be lonely and the scar was a daily reminder of how unwanted he was. The Chunins had tried so hard for the last 5 months to show him how much he meant to them and how much they valued him without success and that he wasn't defined by the scar or the village. Izumo sighed reaching behind him and threading his fingers through the black spikes and kissing Kotetsu deeply, breathing in his scent and feeling his pulse point behind the ear and thanking his lucky stars that he had found his soul mate.

Raidou's night tremors didn't stop, and got much worse after certain missions; Izumo and Kotetsu didn't question him any further but Kotetsu made sure he was sprawled tightly around Raidou's side and Izumo would rub soothing circles along any part of the body he could reach whilst they both pretended to sleep and hold him through it. They didn't want to lose their friend and hoped that one day he would trust them enough to talk to them.

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2light4dark thnk you for all your lovely comments and encouragement...makes me write quicker :D


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **So now the story kinda skips back to chapter two and the rest of the chapters' progress to the situation in chapter 1.

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**Chapter 4 **

After two long days away from the village it was good to see that things hadn't changed and his friends were still as energetic as ever and laughed shaking his head at Kotetsu's obsession with syrup. He looked at the bottle in his hand; he had managed to sweet talk a reasonable price for the bottle from the Oji San Kotetsu and Izumo had stopped at the gate earlier. He showered and went to sleep too exhausted to think about anything else apart from making pancakes in the morning.

Hours later, he awoke to a gentle hand through his hair whispering his name causing him to moan into the pillow "Rai, come on Rai, you've been asleep since you got back which was 8 hours ago" Raidou opened his eyes to find a concerned Izumo kneeling on the floor by his side. "Get up and eat something. I'll bring it to you if you're not up for it" he said. Raidou smiled at Izumo. With the loss of his family during the Kyubi attack Raidou had been alone for so long just surviving, just being strong that he forgot what it felt like to have someone who cared about your welfare. Usually he would just sleep for hours, sometimes days after an exhausting mission, with no real food. He looked at his friend's worried expression and couldn't help but love and want to protect him even more than he already did.

"Thanks Izu" he rasped with sleep caught in his throat. Izumo ruffled the brown spikes under his hair and left him to get the noodle dish Kotetsu had prepared. To his surprise Izumo came back with two plates in hand followed by Kotetsu who came in with a tray of tea and his own plate. "Thought we'd keep you company" Kotetsu said catching his eye "we hardly get to see you what with it being so busy in the village at the moment" he sighed pulling a chair up to sit near Raidou. Izumo settled down on the bed with him and they began chattering happily filling him in on the latest gossip. Raidou watched them feeling content and looked first from Izumo to Kotetsu grinning.

"What?" said Izumo "have I got food stuck to my face?" Raidou laughed.

"No Izu, it's just…nice to be home. Thanks for the food". He looked at Kotetsu who smiled warmly at him "oh" he said remembering and reached under the bed "I got you something" he said pulling out the syrup and watching Kotetsu's eyes widen with delight. Izumo on his other side snorted with a mouthful of noodles as he put his plate down. He then reached into the bedside table and pulled out an identical bottle handing it over to Kotetsu and then both Raidou and Izumo burst into laughter.

Kotetsu looked from one laughing friend to the other and with a wide grin, he jumped onto the bed "I love you guys" he said pulling Izumo in for a kiss on the lips and then turning to offer a shocked Raidou the same. "You guys are the best!" He popped the lid open of one of the bottles and took a swig straight out from the bottle like it was a drink.

Raidou's reaction to Kotetsu's kiss didn't go unnoticed by Izumo who smiled as the Jounin went a deep shade of red. He looked back at the oblivious Kotetsu who was now picking up his plate of noodle. "Ko, noodles and syrup is just wrong" he shouted tackling his lover to the bed to stop him. Raidou just carried on laughing watching Kotetsu struggle against Izumo as he tried to add syrup to his plate.

-oOo-

Raidou wasn't home for long, and was called away immediately, this time for a week. Travel weary, he returned home to find two backpacks packed sitting next to the door. "Ko, Izu?" he called out his voice hitching slightly.

"Were in the bedroom Rai" Izumo called out.

As he entered the bedroom Raidou stepped back in shock; the room looked vast with all of Kotetsu and Izumo's stuff gone. "What's going on guys?" he asked his voice slightly getting caught as he watched them set his room back to how it used to be. Cold, dark, empty and looking like it wasn't lived in.

"Our apartment is up Rai" Kotetsu beamed at him "we'll be out of your hair".

"Oh" was all Raidou could manage without his voice betraying him. He was stupid to forget that this was a temporary arrangement and of course Izumo and Kotetsu would go back to their own lives as soon as their house was repaired.

"You OK, Rai?" Kotetsu asked seeing Raidou's face pale slightly.

"Yeah, yeah fine. It's just been a long week". Izumo grabbed Raidou pulling him into a chair and ordered him to sit whilst he went and got a plate of food and a hot drink. "Honestly Rai, you need to take better care of yourself". Raidou apologised and ate the food that tasted like cardboard to him, he only ate to give him something to do and stop the tears that threatened as he watched Izumo and Kotetsu remove themselves from his life. He was a fool who forgot he wasn't supposed to be happy, to enjoy life. It didn't matter how he felt, what he thought, what he wanted. He could take it, had no choice but to take what life threw at him. He could go back to living alone, to the loneliness that threatened to engulf him; after all, he was strong.


	5. Chapter 5

**Time for some syrupy fun!**

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**Chapter 5**

Life without the Chunins was dull but he had to carry on. It's not like they didn't spend time together, it was just different. Izumo and Kotetsu both respected Raidou and pretty much hang on his every word. But when they were living together he felt equal to them and didn't have to be the 'tough' Jounin. Here at the mission desk, he did and they both expected it from him. When he came back from his missions through the gate or to hand in his report he had to be the 'tough' Jounin. They both still welcomed him back with smiles from behind their desks and asked if he was OK, but he missed coming back to the warmth in the house, the kisses, the cuddles, and the smell of disinfectant and home cooking. His house was exactly that again, a house. The Chunins had made it a home for him. They often invited him over for dinner and movies but with war approaching, he never found any time.

Izumo worried about Raidou. The weariness of excessive missions was seeping into him again and he could tell Raidou was hardly eating and sleeping. He caught Raidou one day eating a ration bar along the corridor as he went on his break from bodyguard duty. Izumo frowned at him "honestly Rai, just because you're a Jounin doesn't mean you have to eat this tasteless stuff constantly" he said grabbing the bar out of his hand. "Here, take this and eat it" he handed Raidou his own bento. Raidou, being Raidou protested but his lunch had been finished off by Izumo so he had no choice but to eat the bento sullenly. Not that the bento wasn't good, Izumo was a great cook. From then on Izumo made it his goal to know Raidou's schedule. When he knew Raidou would be on home duties, he'd bring an extra bento and eat lunch with him to make sure he was at least eating something more than rations.

"Rai I don't care what you have planned today but you're coming over to ours tonight. You're a workaholic and soon you'll be off for months" Izumo said sternly as Raidou frowned at him. "Besides, Kotetsu's cooking Oden and you know he makes a mean Oden" Izumo said walking away not giving Raidou a chance to reply "see you later Rai".

That night Raidou swapped shifts with Aoba and arrived at Kotetsu and Izumo's apartment as ordered shoulders slumped; it was true he hadn't spent a lot of time with his friends. If he was honest with himself, he tried to avoid it as being with them made him realise how little his life was worth and how he wished he could have what they did. But he knew it would never happen for him, the scar a gentle reminder every morning what he faced. His large frame strong in nature but weak when it came to protecting those he was assigned too. Raidou sighed and knocked on the door.

Kotetsu had asked him to arrive early to help him prepare fish cakes but when he got there he found Kotetsu had everything in hand. "Zumo's not going to be here for a while" he said "extra work at the mission office". Raidou snorted "and he said I was a workaholic". Kotetsu laughed passing him a drink Raidou and the two caught up with one another whilst they waited for Izumo. After an hour Kotetsu got hungry so decided to make light omelettes to tide them over as they waited. He pulled out a bottle and poured the remaining syrup over one of them leaving the other plain. Raidou opted for the plain one and helped himself, shaking his head as he watched Kotetsu wolf down the syrup laden one. There was one piece of syrup covered omelette left and Raidou found himself intrigued by it. Kotetsu didn't seem to be interested in it anymore and was busy heating up the oden. But as he went to put the last piece of omelette in his mouth he felt his body falling to the floor.

"What the hell KO!" Raidou shouted struggling to get up as Kotetsu straddled his chest and reached for his hand. Out of sheer instinct Raidou held the omelette piece as far away from Kotetsu as possible whilst using his other hand to restrict his movement. He didn't want to hurt his friend but found he wasn't willing to give up the omelette either out of principal.

"Gimme it back" said the spiky haired Chunin his face squashed against Raidou's hand. "No" Raidou said wriggling against Kotetsu's Iron thigh grip. He forgot occasionally that the grumbling bandage wearing Chunin was also a trained killer. As the two struggled and fought they didn't hear the door open.

"Why are you two wrestling?" Izumo asked looking at his lover and friend with confusion. He then spotted the Omelette piece in Raidou's hand and plucked it out, "Am starving" he said popping it into his mouth as Kotetsu screamed "NO!" Izumo looked at them even more confused chewing the omelette. "Don't you dare Zumo" Kotetsu threatened "don't you dare swall-LOW" he said as he watched the Adams apple on his lovers' pale throat move up and then down. Kotetsu's face dropped as he whimpered softly like an injured dog. Raidou on the other hand looked at the pouting Kotetsu's expression and burst into laughter at the irony that neither of them got the last piece.

"Seriously Tetsu" Izumo said coming over to them "You're fighting over a piece of omelette?" he asked. "Him, I understand" Izumo said pointing at Kotetsu "But I expected better from you Rai" he said shaking his head in disappointment trying to stop the smirk appearing on his face. Raidou looked relaxed and it was good to see him being silly and not so serious for a change.

"It was good though wasn't it?" Kotetsu said sadly as Raidou burst into another fit of laughter. Kotetsu frowned at him still sitting on his chest and hit him playfully on the arms. He loved the fact he good make Raidou laugh so freely and looked up at Izumo who was smiling fondly too. Raidou looked a lot younger when he laughed and his eye shined beautifully. This was the side of their friend they rarely got to see and they treasured the moments when Raidou felt he could just be himself.

"It was the last of the syrup you two gave me" Kotetsu said with a sad sigh. Izumo couldn't help himself and chuckled, as wild and loud as Kotetsu was, he could be so innocent and cute in the same instance. He leaned forward with a smile caressing the black spikes and kissed Kotetsu murmuring comfort to him. From his position below, Raidou had the perfect view of the two Chunins and he felt himself getting flushed as he found he couldn't look away. Izumo gently nibbled and caressed Kotetsu's bottom lip asking for permission to enter and Kotetsu parted his lips willingly. Raidou could see Izumo thrust into the mouth stroking Kotetsu's tongue smoothly with his own as he smiled into the kiss relaxing in his lovers hold. He suddenly saw Kotetsu's eyes widen and a smile spread across his face as he pulled away and started chewing with his eyes closed sighing deeply. "Zumo have I told you how much I love you baby" Kotetsu said pulling Izumo back in for a bone crushingly tight hug and plastering his face with wet sloppy kisses as he ate the last of the omelette that his lover had tucked into his cheek and fed him lovingly with a kiss.

Raidou swallowed his throat dry from the sight he just saw and then laughed as Izumo struggled against Kotetsu. Raidou pushed Kotetsu off him to reach into his pocket for a hander kerchief. Kotetsu realised what Raidou was about to do and grabbed Raidou's hand licking his index finger and thumb. Raidou froze in shock and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily. As if Raidou wasn't having enough trouble watching the two kiss but now he had Kotetsu's velvety tongue running along his fingers and then felt those soft lips wrap around them and suck with the gentle scrape of teeth removing all trace of the syrup. Raidou caught himself just in time stopping the groan and breathlessly said "Ko". Kotetsu looked at Raidou and realised just what he had done and pulled the fingers out of his mouth slowly and glanced at Izumo who was licking his bottom lip eyes glazed and fixed on his mouth. Before any of them could say anything there was a tap at the door, Kotetsu moved fast to glad for the interruption. He adjusted his straining pants and answered the door.

Raidou's face dropped as he saw the masked ANBU hand Kotetsu a scroll, Izumo and Kotetsu had been called upon for a mission…


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**  
Originally when I had the idea for this it was suppoused to be a one shot, but it became soooo long had to split it and hence the quick updates as I've got most of it written :D

From this chapter onwards, there will be a lot of angst...

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Raidou wasn't happy, he would much rather his friends were in the village where he knew they were safe. But times were hard and there were only a few Jounins and Chunins left in the village. And he hated how he made Kotetsu and Izumo feel but he needed them to be stronger as he couldn't protect them himself, the last mission together still at the forefront of his thought. He had nearly lost them, the only two people that really cared about him. So he insisted they accompanied him on a rigorous training session to prepare them before he had to leave for his month long mission tomorrow. After nonstop training, Kotetsu came to the end of his patience when Raidou had shouted at them for the 100th time "Rai, we'll be fine. I know were not as strong as you but you don't have to rub it in" Kotetsu said out of breath, and a little upset that Raidou had run them down to their bone. It wasn't like he and Izumo hadn't been training since the fight against Hidan, they had come up with better and stronger combo attacks and honed their battle skills.

"Kotetsu! It's the Akatsuki; they took down Gaara the Kazekage, Jiraiya Sama the legendary Sanin and your mentor Asuma! You think you're ready but you're not, you're just a _Chunin!_"

Kotetsu shook with anger "We may just be _Chunins_, and not look as threatening as you but we can handle ourselves" he shot back.

"Like you did against Hidan? Kotetsu this is war were about to enter! I can't protect you out there like I did against Hidan!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Kotetsu hated their failure against Hidan and the fact they lost Asuma, shaking with hurt and fury he shouted back "we don't need a so called _bodyguard_ to protect us Raidou! I can't kill my emotions like you, but we've been training too!" Izumo didn't miss the hurt that crossed Raidou's face which disappeared in an instant replaced by the resilient look he wore for the village but never in front of them. Raidou turned away so they couldn't see the hurt on his face.

A _so called body guard?_ That was low, if anyone knew how upset Raidou had been when he had failed the Hokage's and Asuma it should have been the two Chunins. Maybe this was why Izumo and Kotetsu stuck around him, they knew he was a useless bodyguard but looked threatening. Most people said he was scary and didn't look at him twice because of his scar but his friends? The two he spent most of his free time with, that he loved and cared for more than he probably should? Is that what they thought of him too? A _so called emotionally dead body guard who looked threatening?_

"Kotetsu!" Izumo shouted at his insensitive lover. "Enough! His just worried about us".

"Yeah well were not all like him Zu. We can't all be insanely strong. But he should trust our skills; we've improved since we lost Asuma".

"Tetsu that's enough" he grabbed Kotetsu before he could storm off angry and upset. He looked at Raidou's back as he walked away from them; both Kotetsu and Raidou had said some hurtful things and Izumo was stuck in the middle. "Rai" he called out but got no reaction. "Rai, he doesn't mean it. It'll be OK Rai".

Raidou carried on walking; his legs trembled as he thought about what he had just heard. His illusions about Izumo and Kotetsu had shattered. When he was on difficult missions that required him to be dead inside, he'd come back to the village look at his friends and find his forgotten identity. Kotetsu and Izumo had become essential to his rehabilitation back into civilisation after these missions; when he was near them he'd find peace in his burning soul. When loneliness scared him, he'd think of them and remembered that there were friends that were waiting for him to come back. But now, now to hear they thought he was the same emotionless threatening killer that he fought so hard to keep away from them, it broke something inside him. It made him feel empty and lonelier then he had ever felt.

Raidou took deep shuddering breaths and got his emotions under control and formed hand signs, quickly glancing at the two Chunins over his shoulder. He saw the anger and hurt in Kotetsu's expression and the sympathy in Izumo's. The fight in Kotetsu eroded immediately catch sight of the unshed tears that glistened in Raidou's eyes as his face contorted trying to hide his pain as he mumbled "I'm Sorry" leaving them in a puff of smoke in his stead.

"Rai…" Kotetsu and Izumo called out simultaneously "Rai" Kotetsu whispered guitlyly into his Izumo's chest.


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: Angst**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Raidou left on his month long mission early the next morning avoiding the Chunins, his heart heavy and his body numb. _Time is money _he told himself and conditioned himself for the mission ahead not looking back. A few days later the Chunins left on their search and rescue mission too, the look of hurt on Raidou's face fresh in their mind. Kotetsu felt terrible, he had hurt his friend who he loved and cared for nearly as much as he did for Izumo. He didn't know why he had said what he had but he hadn't meant to hurt him. Heck he didn't know Raidou could be hurt so easily, usually he just ignored most of what people said about him letting it slide off his skin. "Do you think he'll forgive me Zumo?" Kotetsu asked as they watched the landscape before them for any signs of threats whilst their team mates and the rescued Shinobi slept.

Izumo sighed he really didn't know, he'd never seen Raidou upset or even angry much. He didn't care for what people thought of him usually or said or did to him. He was a Shinobi first and foremost and did his job without question. But Kotetsu had hit a spot calling him a _so called bodyguard_. The face Raidou had made would be forever engraved into his memory; it was so broken, so emotionally raw that Izumo didn't know what to think. "I don't know why I said it Zu, I was worried and anxious about the mission and he made me so angry, but I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to hurt him" Kotetsu looked at him with pleading eyes that said _tell me it'll be OK, tell me you_ _believe me. _Izumo was well aware of his lover being a grumbler, overly passionate and mouthy but he knew Kotetsu would never hurt anyone intentionally particular Raidou, who they both loved too much. Kotetsu's sleep had been restless, he whimpered quietly in the dark of the night when he thought Izumo couldn't hear him. He reached out for Kotetsu's hand "it'll be OK babe, don't worry about it" he smiled reassuringly squeezing the cold hand in his and trying to believe his own words.

-oOo-

Raidou and his team had managed to finish their mission in record time thanks to Raidou's one track mind and efficiency. The mission had been an outlet for his anger, pain and worry, allowing him not to think about the hurt he felt. Now he was sat manning the mission desk and couldn't help but think of the Chunins away on mission. His life had become monotonous without the presence of the Chunins _but this is how it had been before _he told himself. It was probably best they had removed themselves from his life; he didn't know how to have friends, after all he was _threatening, emotionless_ and just a _so called bodyguard_. It was alright with Genma and Aoba; they had been through most of what he had. But it still hurt to know that was what the Chunins thought of him, he decided not to dwell on it any further and be what he had always been, strong, reliable Raidou who knew nothing but missions. This way he wouldn't have to drop his façade again and let people in so they could hurt him. He could look and be as mean and threatening as he wanted without any consequences.

Raidou was pulled away from his musings by a hand on his shoulder that massaged the tension out of his muscles "Hey Rai, I've come to relieve you" Genma said smiling down at him Senbon twitching in his mouth. "Tsunade Sama wants you on a mission tomorrow so go home, rest and pack".

Raidou rolled his shoulder, letting Genma take out the knots in his muscles and relaxed under his friends fingers. He didn't want to go home; it was cold and lonely and reminded him of _them_ wherever he looked. The first couple of days after he had returned from the mission, Raidou had stayed with Aoba. But he couldn't avoid his apartment for long and had reluctantly returned only to be haunted by the memories of their laughter. He sighed "Gen, I've only been here an hour if that, I'll be OK".

"It's off the books Rai" Genma said with an equal sigh. Raidou's shoulders slumped, these were the worst kind of mission and he didn't need one of them right now. Genma patted his back sympathetically, off the books meant assassination in ANBU code. He had to get home and prepare both physically and mentally. He got up and was about to leave when he heard a frantic voice.

"Is he here yet?" it asked brokenly. "They should've been here by now" the small figure looked around frantically his eyes wondering to and fro until his gaze stopped on Raidou's face. "Rai," the voice called out brokenly "Please…please Rai tell me, is he here yet?" the voice said in a heart breaking sob.

Raidou's eyes widened in shock as he recognised the figure in front of him covered in mud, open gashes some of which were still bleeding. He came limping into the mission room whilst another Shinobi tried to get him some medical attention. "Ko" Raidou whispered and run to catch the frail body as it gave up on its owner. "Ko, what happened?" Genma was by their side as Raidou cradled his head scanning his body and locating all wounds.

"You were right" Kotetsu cried his eyes red and swollen "Zumo?! He should be back by now!" Kotetsu gripped Raidou's flak jacket "you were right" he said again brokenly "WHY? Why did you have to be right?!" he wailed hitting Raidou's chest before passing out in his arms. Raidou froze looking down at the broken Chunin he held in his arms. No, no, it couldn't be. Izumo couldn't be gone.

"Rai" Genma shook him by the shoulder "Rai take him to the hospital, I'll find out what's going on" he said cupping Raidou's face and bringing him back to him. "It'll be OK Rai, go". Raidou swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded at his best friend and gathered Kotetsu in his arms, quickly teleporting them to the hospital and running to Shizune who took over trying to stabilise the weak body.

-oOo-

What felt like a lifetime later, he felt a hand on his arm as he waited outside the operating theatre where Kotetsu had been taken into. "His fine Raidou San" said a tired looking Sakura giving him a gentle squeeze. "His sleeping, he'll probably be out of it for a while; there's a deep wound in his side that's stopped bleeding and his suffering from chakra exhaustion and…" Sakura didn't finish, she looked too young to truly comprehend a broken heart but she knew the feeling well. She didn't have to finish Raidou knew too, Kotetsu just couldn't live without Izumo. Raidou nodded, his eyes wondering to the room behind her "You can go see him if you want".

"It's probably…best I don't…I don't disturb him" Raidou said with relief. "I need to find out about Izumo, Genma should now have a report of what happened". Sakura smiled at him and he started walking away from Kotetsu's room with a final glance when he heard whimpering. He back tracked his steps and looked at Kotetsu lying helpless in bed trembling even in his induced deep slumber. The body shook with each whimper which Raidou eventually made out to be _Zumo, No please, Zumo. _Raidou's heart ached, and his body numbed at the possibility that he may have lost a friend and another was breaking, mind, body and soul slowly, right in front of him. Raidou found he couldn't breathe and couldn't stop the tears that gathered at the corner of his eyes but he wouldn't shed them.

Kotetsu's heart breaking sobs drew Raidou to his side, he stood tentatively running his hands through the black locks murmuring comfort and realised Kotetsu was cold and shivering violently even with 3 layers of blankets. He remembered the first time he had woken with Kotetsu cuddling him because he was cold and smiled melancholy. How things had changed so fast, Raidou was probably the last person Kotetsu wanted to see or be near now but he couldn't leave him in this state. With no spare blanket in sight, he climbed into bed with him and held him tight warming the cold body with his. Kotetsu stopped whimpering immediately as he was held and slowly the trembling subsided too. It was then Raidou realised that Kotetsu and Izumo were hardly ever apart and never slept without the other. Tears he'd not shed since the loss of his parents over 25 years ago, again threatened to spill at the possibility his friends had lost something so precious and so beautiful. But he couldn't, he needed to be strong, Izumo might still be out there. Whether Kotetsu wanted him near or not he would be strong and watch from afar for Izumo's sake. Tonight, all he could do was hold the unconscious Kotetsu for a few hours to let him sleep safely. Tomorrow he would be gone before sunrise without Kotetsu even knowing he had been there and he hoped the Chunin would be OK. This was the life of a Shinobi; you were never given time to think with the possibility of loss always hanging over your head.

He tucked Kotetsu's head under his chin and breathed in his scent glad one of them had made it back, broken but at least alive. It didn't matter that Kotetsu hated him, hated him for being right. He could deal with that if it made Kotetsu feel better. He could take the hate, the hurt, the pain if Kotetsu and Izumo would be alright. He could take anything for them. He closed his eyes feeling the heart beat against his chest as the days fatigue took over, _I don't want to be right Ko, Izumo please_.


	8. Chapter 8

**WARNING  
**

**Major major angst and suicidal attempt so please be warned if you don't like such things skip the last two paragraphs. ****  
**

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**Chapter 8**

Kotetsu came out of his drug induced slumber 24 hours after returning to the village, his body still aching. Soon the grasp of reality reached his aching heart and his breathing faltered. He could have sworn someone had held and comforted him throughout the night. His body was so dehydrated, there were no more tears and it shook as dry silent sobs fought to escape him. He curled up into the foetal position and breathed in deeply and to his surprise recognised the faint earthly smell of Raidou on his pillow. _He was here, Raidou was here. But why would he leave me?_ Kotetsu trembled _he still hates me, and now hates me even more because I came back and Izumo didn't. _Kotetsu wasn't blind; he saw the way Raidou looked at Izumo with lust and wonder in his eyes. How Raidou's eyes shone bright when he saw Izumo approach and ate, rested and slept without any argument when Izumo wanted him to. He was more than aware of what Izumo thought of Raidou too, he felt the same but Raidou only ever reciprocated the feeling for Izumo. And now? Now that he'd been unable to protect his lover when Raidou had warned him, meant Raidou hated him even more._ Oh God Izumo. _ "Rai" he cried out "God, Rai I'm so sorry, you were right" his body shook as he called out into the empty room for his friend "Rai, I'm so sorry, Zumo… Zumo… ZUMO!" The alarms on his monitor beeped wildly as ninja medics run in to calm the broken soul.

Sakura watched silently as her usually mocking Sempai shouted for his lover and then his friend who having stayed the night, had disappeared early morning. She tried to calm him and explain that Raidou had been called away and there was no way he could have avoided it but Kotetsu was too far gone in his grief to hear. She induced slumber in him again to keep him from hurting himself but there were only so many days she could do this until Kotetsu had to face a reality with the possibility of Izumo not returning. Raidou had warned her and Kotetsu was under watch 24 hours a day even when he needed the bathroom. But they didn't want to think of the day where Sakura may have to do something drastic and hoped word would come soon of the other team.

-oOo-

Izumo ushered the rescued Shinobi through the forest encouraging the injured ones and helping the tortured souls. They'd been locked up and removed from civilisation for so long some of them had forgotten the use of their limbs barely strong enough to hold up their weight. When they had been attacked, the team had split into two. Izumo's team led the prisoners away to safety whilst Kotetsu's team distracted and fought the enemy. However, Izumo's team had faced a smaller group of enemy Shinobi and with some of the prisoners being so weak; the sub team had to split again with 2 of the 4 original members upholding the enemy whilst Izumo and another took the released prisoners through a different path.

Finally three days later than expected, Izumo came across a scouting Shinobi from Konoha and sent word. "The other team" Izumo asked the scout breathlessly. "Did they all make it back?" The scout shook his head, the other team had lost two Shinobi and only two had made it back and both were injured. Izumo hung his head low and breathed deeply, "Tetsu" he whimpered quietly swiping at his exposed eye with his arm "please be ok". He couldn't think like that, there wasn't time to shed tears, his Kotetsu was strong. They'd promised, they'd promise to make it back for one another so neither would ever have to face being alone. Izumo didn't think he could go on if Kotetsu was taken away from him. He was a few hours away from the village but with the prisoners it would probably take half a day and he needed to know. "Tetsu baby, wait for me".

-oOo-

It had been three days since Kotetsu had been admitted into hospital. The deep gash in his side wasn't healing as expected as the body was under such stress and strain. Three times Sakura had to induce sleep in the broken soul and three times Kotetsu had contemplated taking his life, the last attempt coming very close to accomplishment when he managed to overdose on his pain killers. The pills would stop the pain in his body, his heart and he could join Izumo where ever he was but Sakura had managed to take out the toxic dose from his system. He gazed out the window, his arms and legs strapped tightly down on the bed. Only a few people came to visit and Raidou wasn't one of them. His friend hated him, his lover was lost possibly gone and Kotetsu was left alone strapped to a bed forced to live this empty misery he had come to call life for the last three days. He summoned his mace, forming seals with one hand. Raidou didn't believe him when he said he had improved, had had gotten stronger and Raidou was right not to. He didn't have enough strength to hold the mace up so he let it drop by his side and using hand gestures let one of the protrusions from the mace fly through the air with its wing like appendage gathering speed. He gathered the last of his strength and chakra and aimed the missile at his heart. Finally, he could be freed from a world where he was hated and alone. He closed his eyes and gestured his hand for the mace protrusion to soar at him. _Zumo _he whispered.

"Kotetsu Sempai" the usually slow and lazy Shikamaru came running into his room, "Sempai" he panted having run all the way from the mission office "There's been a sighting of the sub team". Kotetsu looked towards the door as Shikamaru burst in "we don't know who but _SEMPAI_…" the scream was heard down the corridor. Medical ninja's ran towards the commotion wide eyed. _"NO! SEMPAI DON'T!"_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

**WARNING** The angst continues so please do be weary!

2light4dark apologies for invoking frustration and making your partner think you're having a breakdown O_O

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"_NO! SEMPAI DON'T!"_ Shikamaru screamed watching as the mace protrusion headed towards Kotetsu's heart. He quickly formed the hand signs _please get there in time, please get there in time _he pleaded and weaved his shadow appendages at the mace protrusion and another at Kotetsu's hands. He watched the slow stretch of the shadows wrap first around the protrusion and then he closed his eyes shut before it reached Kotetsu. _Please get there in time _he pleaded. **THUMP**. Shikamaru opened his eyes hesitantly and gasped seeing the mace protrusion barley missing Kotetsu and hitting the bedside table near him splattering its content all over the room.

"Sempai?" he called out to Kotetsu who didn't answer. The medical Nins rushed around Kotetsu checking his vitals and releasing him from the bindings so they could move him.

"Shikamaru" Kotetsu called out, his voice hoarse and his face emotionally blank. "Shikamaru" he whispered "What…what?!" He asked blinking at the genius Chunin unable to finish his sentence. Had he heard right? The Sub Team?

"Kotetsu Sempai, what's the matter with you? You scared me" Shikamaru whined "and made me break out in a sweat, so bothersome". Shikamaru walked up to Kotetsu panting "showers are so troublesome you know". Kotetsu lifted his head off the pillow and glared at Shikamaru who ignored him taking a seat on his bed, "what I came to tell you is, there's been a sighting of the sub team" Shikamaru smiled "They think it's Izumo Sempai" Shikamaru finished with a faint smile. Kotetsu dug his nails into his palm leaving half crescent marks to make sure he was awake. His Izumo, his Izumo may still return to him, he had to hold on. Kotetsu felt dizzy and collapsed back on the pillow, he had nearly ended it. What if he had? He couldn't think about that, no, not now. He looked at Shikamaru with gratitude, Shikamaru squeezed his shoulder "His going to kick your ass when he gets back Sempai, you better heal fast" he said laughing leaving Kotetsu to his thoughts. He had to wait, Izumo, Izumo would come back to him, he had to believe now. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, _Izumo._

-oOo-

Raidou was trained and programmed to kill. His three man squad had been sent to assassinate an entire family. Why Danzo wanted this he didn't know and it was not his place to question. He was the current Hokage and Raidou did as the village leaders instructed. But this mission, this mission was different. Though his mind was focused on the mission in hand, underneath his strong reliable frame, his heart silently ached for the broken friend he had left behind and the one he had possibly lost.

The three man squad lead by Raidou located and eliminated one target at a time silently. The occupants of the last room however stumped Raidou. The two sleeping figures were beautiful in the moonlight and were peacefully curled up against one another with contented smiles on their faces. They couldn't have been much older than Naruto and his friends and Raidou made his first biggest mistake in over 25 years of being a Shinobi. He hesitated. The target held his lover in his arms, his head tucked under his lovers chin and arm wrapped protectively around his waist with both their legs tangled. Where one began and the other ended was hard to tell; there skin glowed exquisitely that Raidou found he hesitated to take away such beauty. They reminded him of the Chunins he had left behind. The two who he would probably never see smile again, sleep peacefully again or even lead a full life again. The hesitation on Raidou's part was enough to alert the target to his presence and attack him leaving a few shurikens embedded in his body. Luckily a member of his squad was not far behind and managed to pin the target to the wall with a kunai as more of the enemy arrived, alerted by the attack. The targets lover arose quickly from his slumber and clambered blocking the target out of view and stopping the final blow.

"Please, please spare him" he cried "his not like the rest of the family! Please, I beg you don't take him" the man cried frantically and Raidou froze once more unable to deliver the final blow, Kotetsu's pain still fresh in his mind. The lovers Kimono slid off his shoulders to reveal the marks of their very recent love making on his collar bone. "Please Shinobi San don't take him away from me". A movement in his peripheral vision caught his eye and after years of training and programing, Raidou let lose a volley of kunais in the direction automatically taking his eyes off the lovers momentarily. But as he turned back he heard a heart wrenching scream as Aoba had taken out the target swiftly with a Kunai to the side of the neck. The lover sobbed into the targets chest and trembled wildly as he tried to shake life back into his loved one. "Don't leave me! You can't leave me!" he screamed over and over as he beat at the chest trying to keep the pulse from fading. He saw the targets lips move and whisper something in his lover's ear. "NO!" the lover screamed in utter anguish "Kill me! Kill me too please!" he cried pleading. Raidou just stared in shock, rooted to the spot by the lovers scream and the targets serene smile, but the glint of something metallic in the lover's hand caught his eye and before he knew it, his Kokuto was out of its sheath stabbing through both the target and his lovers' vital organ. Raidou didn't have time to think about his actions as another of the enemy Shinobi came at him and his survival instinct took over once more.

Once Raidou had a moment and the enemy had been dealt with, he approached the body of the lovers. He didn't want to think about the innocent life he had taken, the beautiful story he had probably stopped being written and the screams that he would hear over and over in his dreams. He was a trained killer, but he was after all human, and the human side of him said the least he could do was bury them together. He laid them side by side and sent prayers for their souls as he apologised. It was then he noticed that the glint of metal he had mistaken for a weapon was actually a ring attached to a silver chain. Raidou paled as his body shook and he threw up. Aoba ran to his aid, "Rai, the shurikens were they poisoned?" he asked checking Raidou over and stopping some of the bleeding wounds. Raidou shook his head and brushed Aoba off him. He couldn't breathe; no matter how hard he tried he couldn't take in enough air. He knew his nights would be plagued with screams and pleading, he probably wouldn't be able to breathe properly again. He took the ring with shaking hands and put it back into their hands. The ring was inscribed _'Because of you I am never alone anymore, Thank you, for breathing life into me, for setting me free'. _


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

**WARNING: **Happiness! ;p In addition to all the major angst of course…

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Kotetsu awoke petulant, his heart still ached but was lighter and his body still trembled but now with anticipation in addition to pain. His body stiffened as a familiar glow seemed to radiate towards him. He struggled to sit up and turned his head blinking hard twice staring at the shadow cast by the setting sun. It approached his bed falteringly slightly and he couldn't mistake it. He swiped at his eyes to make sure he wasn't still dreaming, as the all too familiar arms stretched out from the shadow and pulled him into its warmth. "Zumo?" he asked questioningly, his breath caught in his chest and his heart missing a beat. He recognised the warmth, the feel and the smell of his lover but he couldn't be sure he wasn't dreaming.

"I'm sorry I'm late love, I'm so sorry".

"Zu-mo" Kotetsu said again, he spilled his soul into the two syllables as his living nightmare was finally, finally over and he felt at home wrapped up in the same arms that scolded him, made love to him and eased his pain so tenderly. "Oh god, Zumo" he sobbed breathlessly into a worn out Izumo's chest as they held onto each other desperately, trying to touch and clasp onto every inch of life they contained all at once.

"It's OK baby. I'm here, I'm here" Izumo murmured comfortingly, letting out all the emotion he had held onto the last few days as he was separated from his lover. "I got you baby" he wept into the black hair which had lost its life as Kotetsu had come so close to doing so too. "I got you" Izumo couldn't fathom the fact Kotetsu had nearly gone, all because of him. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he had succeeded and was more than thankful to Sakura and to Shikamaru. "God, I got you Tetsu" he cried again as he covered Kotetsu in soft gentle kisses breathing in his lover desperately.

When Kotetsu's sobbing had quietened and Izumo got a hold of his emotions; the hurt the anger and the pain that he had nearly driven Kotetsu to take such severe measures eased slightly. He looked into the coal black eyes of his distraught lover "Tetsu, promise me, promise me now, that you'll never try it again. That no matter what happens, you won't try it again" Izumo's voice broke and his breathing faltered once more as the emotional pain he saw in his lovers eyes was too much. He rested his forehead against Kotetsu's and kissed him repeatedly tentatively. "Promise me Tetsu, please" he pleaded brokenly as Kotetsu remained silent "I can't have you doing that, thinking like that. Your precious baby, so promise me". Kotetsu knew what Izumo was referring to, he would've been annoyed he'd found out, but he was breathing in the sight of his lover.

"Don't make me live without you Zumo" Kotetsu begged clutching to Izumo for dear life. "Don't leave me alone" he pleaded. Izumo gathered Kotetsu into his arms and rocked his broken lover soothingly laying him back down onto the bed as he caressed his cheek gazing into the windows of Kotetsu's soul who bared his all for Izumo to see, to take, to hold. "I love you Izumo" Kotetsu whispered into his chest placing soft gentle kisses over Izumo's heart "I love you" he repeated.

Izumo couldn't answer as all his emotion swelled again and got caught in his throat. He just held onto Kotetsu and rocked them both into a deep slumber drained by emotion, but they were both whole again in each other's arms.

-oOo-

A few days later a limping Aoba stopped and waved as he walked past the two Chunins hospital room. "Hey, Izumo your back" he smiled "gave us all quiet the scare there you two did" he said taking a seat at Kotetsu's bedside giving his arm a gentle squeeze as the Chunins smiled at him. "Rai was so worried, I've never seen him hesitate on a mission before" he sighed "how is he doing? I've been cooped up here recovering from chakra exhaustion that I haven't been able to check on him" Aoba griped.

"Raidou's back?" Kotetsu asked eyes wide with surprise. "I…" he paused and looked at Izumo with pain filled eyes. Raidou still hated him, but he thought he would come and see Izumo who he loved and favoured, but it seemed he hated Kotetsu enough to avoid him completely.

"Yeah, we got back a day ago. He hasn't been in to see you yet?" Aoba asked surprised as both the Chunins shook their head in unison. It wasn't like Raidou not to visit the Chunins but he had seen the guilt in Kotetsu's face. Had they had a fight? "Don't worry about him, he probably doesn't know Izumo's back and he was feeling a little sick" he laughed nervously "his probably just passed out from chakra exhaustion, he hates hospitals so would just crash at his place. But we all suffer from it no matter how strong we think we are" he chuckled easing their mind as he left making a note to himself to check Raidou's apartment on the way home.

-oOo-

Kotetsu lay in Izumo's arms contemplating what Aoba had said. It really wasn't like Raidou to hesitate on a mission and to be sick too. "Izumo, he still hates me" Kotetsu murmured into Izumo's shoulders. "Go to him Zu, his still your friend". Izumo sighed into the black mop of hair and pulled away lifting Kotetsu's chin so he could look him in the eyes.

"Ko, you know Raidou's not one to hold a grudge. You know what his like when his tired after a mission, he sleeps nonstop. Like Aoba said, he'll be over soon when his feeling better".

Kotetsu shook his head, "he won't come" he looked at Izumo "go to him, tell him I'm sorry but he shouldn't punish you for my mistakes". A tear slipped Kotetsu's eye, that's all he seemed to be doing recently. "Please Zu, go to him".

Izumo sighed, "what aren't you telling me Tetsu?"

Kotetsu shook his head again "just go to him, I know how much his friendship means to you" he mumbled.

"I will, tomorrow OK" Izumo followed the tear trail on Kotetsu's cheek with his thumb and kissed it away. "Wish you would hurry and get better so I could take you home… and take all of you" he smiled suggestively. For the first time in 5 days Kotetsu's eyes shone as he smiled and an impish expression graced his beautiful pale face. "So stop causing trouble for the medical Nins and do as your told" Izumo reprimanded him.

Kotetsu groaned "it's stupid that they won't let me move".

Izumo hit him lightly "you're stupid" Kotetsu rubbed his head frowning at his lover. Izumo pulled apart the hospital kimono to show him "had you done as you were _told,_ you wouldn't have opened the wound again. And…" Izumo ran his hands beneath the Kimono and let his thumb circle a tanned nipple to attention causing Kotetsu to take in a sharp breath. "…I wouldn't have had to wait this long to taste you again". Kotetsu smiled and gasped out a questioning _yeah? _which was swallowed by Izumo's mouth, who just couldn't resist the smile and nibbled at the cracked red lips whilst continuing to run his hand under Kotetsu's hospital Kimono tracing his lover's scars, old and new. "I need you baby" Izumo said trailing kisses down Kotetsu's throat to his collar bone. Kotetsu sighed into the kisses and relaxed under his lovers caress running his hands down Izumo's back to his ass and squeezing it. Izumo smiled into the kiss and gazed into Kotetsu's deep orbs trying to show his lover how much he loved him, needed him, and wanted him. There allure was broken as they heard the tell-tale sign of a jutsu and Aoba teleported into their room clearing his throat with a flush.

"Erm really sorry guys, but Raidou, have you seen him yet?"

Izumo sat up removing his hand from Kotetsu and shook his head. "No, he still hasn't come to visit".

Aoba looked worried "It's just that he didn't hand in the mission report or come to the hospital to get screened for infections. And well he didn't answer the door when I went to his house this morning" he looked at the Chunins as they too exchanged a worried glance "it's not like Rai to go off the map. No one's seen him since we returned". Izumo was up and out of bed putting on his sandals.

"I'll help you look for him" Izumo said pulling on his flak jacket hurriedly including his radio. Raidou's team had been back for nearly 60 hours now and Izumo was concerned about his friend's strange behaviour and wellbeing. He knew what Raidou was like with mission reports and was never over the 48 hour limit to hand them in. Kotetsu rose too and struggled to his feet his wound still not healed properly. Izumo turned and shook his head "KO, what did we just discuss?" Izumo said sternly helping him back into bed "I need you to stay here babe, in case he comes to visit". Kotetsu was about to protest but the worried look in Izumo's face stopped him. "I can't worry about your health as well as Rai's Tetsu. I'll send word as soon as I find him" Izumo said brushing the black locks our of Kotetsu's face and kissing him softly before following Aoba out the room.

_Where could he be? _Izumo thought as he run through the roof tops. Raidou was injured; Aoba had assured him that the enemies weapons weren't poisoned but Raidou still needed the wounds to be treated. He had seen how tired Raidou had been lately but that had never stopped him handing in reports, taking moderate care of himself or just dropping by to say hello to them. Maybe Kotetsu was right, Raidou was angry and still hurt, _why haven't you come to see us Rai, does our love mean so little to you? _Izumo froze and shook his head in realisation; he did love and this was really the first time he had admitted it to himself. He was pretty sure Kotetsu felt the same way about Raidou, but of course Raidou didn't know that, and _that_ was the problem. They'd never told Raidou that they loved him, cared about him and what he meant to them. Izumo let out a heavy sigh, Raidou had told them more than once that he couldn't be loved and was just a dispensable village tool. God, how wrong he was and how little he knew, _Rai where are you?_ Izumo cried out loud into setting sun.

-oOo-

Raidou didn't want to go home so he went wondering mindlessly into the night after parting ways with his team. When he couldn't think anymore and his body grew weary he went looking for Genma. Genma could be trusted to take him out drinking, to forget what he had seen, what he had done. "Gen" he thumped on the door "Gen open up". There was no answer; what time was it anyway. Genma's door was always open for him no matter the time so he must have been called away on a mission Raidou concluded. Raidou sighed and slumped back against Genma's door, there was nothing for it but to head to his apartment.

As he entered his house, the faint ethereal smell of lemon fresh reached his nostrils and Raidou was hit with a gush of anguish. "Oh god Izumo" he cried and fell to his knees crawling towards his bedroom. In his moment of self-pity he had forgotten momentarily of why he felt so terrible. _It couldn't be, it couldn't be!_ But no one had told him otherwise since he had returned. Izumo, his loving friend Izumo was gone and Kotetsu? Kotetsu who was currently so vulnerable, was probably still in hospital broken beyond repair. He knew he should visit him but Kotetsu hated him, hated him for being right. Raidou's body went numb as his vision went murky. His chest felt tight and his heart beat was heavy against it as all the blood seemed to drain out of him suddenly. He hadn't been there to save them. He'd failed Izumo and more importantly, had probably killed Kotetsu with his words. _Ko I didn't mean it, I didn't want to be right, to take Izumo from you. Ko…please Ko._

Kotetsu's broken cry echoed in his mind's eye as the black haired Chunin beat at Raidou's chest. The heart breaking sobs of Kotetsu's then changed to the screams of the targets lover. _"Kill me too"_ Raidou trembled and clutched at his head _stop please stop, _his vision went blank again and Raidou had to throw up as the targets serene smile flashed across his face and his lovers wild eyes screamed at him. He'd failed. He had ruined not one love story but two and probably many others he just didn't know about. It didn't matter how strong people thought he was, how strong he tried to be. It was all a lie. Raidou couldn't breathe; the screaming in his head continued and he collapsed onto the floor in a violent coughing fit causing his wounds to break afresh. He couldn't do it anymore, the tears that had built up over the last two decades spilled from his eyes as he gasped for breath. _I am strong_ he thought _I have to be strong_ it was the only thing he could hold onto_._

_But today, today Raidou tried, tried his damned hardest but he failed. 35 years of being nothing, nothing but strong and it all came crumbling down around him. What did he do now? What was he now? Raidou lay alone on the cold hard wooden floor covered in drying mud and coagulating blood. He curled himself into a tight ball on his side and covered his face as his body trembled and he gave into the pretence of being strong._


	11. Chapter 11

**WARNING**

Do I need a warning?! After 10 Chapters…The 11th Can _Only_ be…you guessed it ANGSTY!

(2Light4Dark Izumo riding a Unicorn is quiet the sight but I chose the latter option evidently…still honouring the angst :D)

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Izumo stood atop of the Hokage Mountain panting, looking out towards the village. _Where could he be? _He'd checked the training ground where Raidou always took them to train, he was sure he'd be there letting off steam. He had then checked all the quiet bars Raidou visited after missions but like Aoba had said, no one had seen him. He knew Raidou liked the quiet of the mountain but he wasn't here either. He found his gaze fall in the direction of Raidou's apartment once more, Aoba had said he'd checked but there was no harm in trying again, he was fast running out of options. He radioed in to Aoba telling him where he was headed.

Izumo knocked and expectedly got no answer. He sighed resting his forehead against the cold wooden door. Guess he didn't know Raidou as well as he thought he did. The more he thought of Raidou the more he realised how selfish he had been. Raidou did everything for them, was always there when they needed him and always made time for them even with his busy Jounin schedule. But when had he ever really been there for Raidou? Izumo walked away from the apartment with a sad sigh, if only he could find Raidou, he'd try to rectify his mistakes, his selfishness. As Izumo walked back down the stairs pondering what to do next, something niggled at his core. It told him to check the apartment again. He reached out with his chakra and came up blank. But a voice in his head told him not to turn back and to try again. Izumo sighed with frustration and decided he was going to break into the apartment to look for clues. Raidou was already angry and upset with them, he couldn't make it any worse right?

Izumo picked the lock and slowly entered knowing all the traps Raidou would've set and disarmed and dodged them easily. He smiled as the living room came into view; he had a lot of fond memories of the three of them curled up on the couch relaxing after a hard day's work. The soft friendly touches they shared with Raidou and the hugs and kisses to his temples. As nostalgia took over he smiled and turned the corner to head towards the bedroom. The sight before him however shocked him to the bones.

A figure lay motionless curled upon themselves on the cold floor grasping at their chest soundlessly. "Oh god, Raidou" Izumo screamed running to kneel beside him. He quickly scanned Raidou for injury, there didn't seem to be any major damage but it was hard to tell, with dry mud, vomit and blood covering his body. Izumo lifted the lifeless cold body into his arms "Raidou, please Raidou open your eyes, open your eyes for me". Izumo ran his hand over Raidou's cold face trying to warm him with his touch and felt Raidou's body react with a small shiver and groan. Raidou's eyes were closed and wavering, he could see streaks left behind by tears covering his cheeks which were so hollow and pale that it scared Izumo. "Raidou please" Izumo cradled the brown haired Jounin to his chest and rocked him trying to soothe life back into him.

All the signs pointed to Izumo concluding the worst. What had happened? It wasn't like Raidou to not hand in a report on time, to go off raider, to not visit. It wasn't like the Raidou he knew at all. He found it hard to believe that strong reliable Raidou could come to such a low point in life that he could just curl up on a cold floor and wait for death to claim him. Izumo however, wasn't having any of it. He smoothed the brown hair back from the pale face and kissed Raidou's eyes "Rai, open your eyes for me, please Rai" he repeated the words and action. "Rai, I need you to wake up and tell me what happened and we can fix it Rai". He heard footsteps approach and looked up to find a shocked Aoba looking down at them.

"Is he…" Aoba asked with a gulp. "He said they weren't poisoned" he rasped falling to his knees beside them. "We need to take him to the hospital Izumo".

"Aoba, his not poisoned. What…what happed on the mission" Izumo said "What triggered this?" Aoba double checked Raidou's injuries wild eyed, he couldn't comprehend the fact that poison wasn't the cause to Raidou's state. "Aoba, his not injured" Izumo said again. He couldn't get mad at Aoba, he just didn't understand his friend, he couldn't believe that Raidou would give in to whatever it was eating him. "Aoba, I need you to tell me what happened?"

"Nothing really happened, Raidou hesitated to kill one of the targets but we all have moments like that" Aoba looked at Izumo searchingly. He had already said too much, ANBU missions were never to be discussed outside the mission.

Izumo swiped at his eyes; it wasn't the time for crying, he now had to be strong for Raidou and had to bring him back. There was no way he would let anyone else see Raidou like this, at his lowest, Raidou was a proud man and it would break him further when he came too, to find everyone staring at him with sympathy. So it was up to Izumo to look after him. He lifted Raidou off the floor and headed towards the bathroom. Aoba came out of his shock and offered to carry Raidou "I can handle it" Izumo said holding onto Raidou tightly. "Could you go and look after Tetsu for me. Tell him…tell him we found Raidou and I'll be staying with him tonight. And tell him…tell him I love him please".

Aoba nodded "Are you sure you don't want…" Aoba stopped talking seeing Izumo's determined look "well, if you need anything…just…just call me on the radio, I'll have it on" and he teleported away when Izumo nodded smiling at him reassuringly.

Izumo carefully undressed the unconscious Raidou out of his uniform, the pale body shivered when the cold night air touched him releasing a faint whimper. Izumo then stripped down to his own underwear and lifted Raidou into the bath with him cradling the Jounin to his chest trying to warm him up as he washed him. "Rai, babe please" he whispered into his ear as he felt Raidou stir in his arms "open your eyes".

-oOo-

Raidou felt warm, he hadn't felt like this in a long time, not since…he didn't want to think about it. The memory of the two Chunins made him want to throw up again, but he dry heaved instead. In the distance someone called out to him _Rai babe, open your eyes for me. _Raidou laughed, even his dreams were mocking him. No one cared about him, not enough to ever call him babe. And the voice, it sounded familiar, sounded like…like _Izumo _he whispered and let the last of the tears leak through his heavy closed lids that were beyond his control. He felt a warm hand come to swipe at them followed by soft tender touches which he could only describe as kisses. His mind was treacherous; it took what he knew he most longed for and threw it at him knowing it would never happen, knowing that he had failed them. It mocked him with the warmth, the echo of a voice long gone, and the touch of a gentle soul that he would never feel. He let out a sob and tried not to sink into the forged warmth that surrounded him, to the gentle caress along his chest, his face and through his hair. Even at deaths door, he found his mind scornful at the fact that he thought he was strong.

_Rai, I've got you Rai, open your eyes_ there it was again, the mockingly sweet voice that he'd never hear again. Raidou let go of all pretence now, there was nothing else left to his life and his body shook desperately as he heard the echoes of his own cries.

Izumo panicked, he tried to calm the tortured soul in his arms but failed. He called out to Raidou, trying to get him to open his eyes, to look at him, to tell him it was going to be OK. But Raidou didn't open his eyes, didn't seem to have the energy to do anything other than let out these heart breaking cries as his body trembled. All Izumo could do was hold on as he watched his friends body give up the fight. When Raidou went limp in his arms once more, Izumo carried him out drying him off and wrapped him in a sleeping kimono. He laid him down gently onto the bed they had shared for 5 months, when things were so different. The bed seemed so much larger and swallowed Raidou's frail body, Izumo placed a kiss on his forehead and went to fetch some food and water for a Raidou who looked like he hadn't eaten for days. Izumo crushed a few soldier pills into the water and forced it through the Jounins cracked lips and gently dressed the wounds on his body. If only he could heal the emotional wounds Raidou was currently going through just as easily as the physical ones Izumo thought and watched his friend's restless body shake and shudder. Izumo pulled Raidou back into his arms and rocked him when he started whimpering again. He thought he heard the whisper of his name in the bath, but that was just wishful thinking. _What did they do to you Rai_ Izumo thought as he murmured comfort to the broken soul. _What did we do to you?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Raidou stirred as the morning light scorched his vision. He tried to lift an arm to cover his eyes but found they were unresponsive and restricted by something warm and heavy. Raidou froze as the rest of his body slowly lost the cold numbness and he felt the warmth of another body against his back. He looked down to find one of his arms locked to his side by a slightly tanned arm and his other hand entwined with a familiar hand.

His last memory was of him throwing up, covered in his own blood and mud. And he had been lying on a hard floor cold and dirty when his knees had collapsed and his body given up with the rush of scornful memories. He gasped for breath at the thought of those memories and looked down to find himself clean and showered wearing a fresh kimono. _Who would do such a thing _Raidou thought as his mind went blank and his chest felt constricted with a feeling he couldn't quite understand. _Why would anyone do this for him?_ He tentatively turned over to face his taunting foe and felt the body stir. "Raidou?" came a sleep rasped voice questioningly. Raidou bolted into a sitting position reaching for the kunai he kept under his pillow and aimed it at the foe's throat in the blink of an eye.

"Raidou, Rai it's me" said the oh-too-familiar voice and Raidou dropped the kunai as Izumo moved out of the suns glare into his vision.

"Iz-zu-mo?" he asked stammering brokenly not believing his vision in a whisper. "Izumo?" he tried again and watched the man in front of him smile beautifully as he was pulled into warm tanned arms. Raidou didn't move, he couldn't move. He froze in place as he watched Izumo's lips move but couldn't hear him. Watched Izumo caress his face but couldn't feel him. Izumo, was this really Izumo? "Izumo?" he asked again brokenly his lips quivering, he knew he looked weak and pathetic. But he didn't care. If it was a ghost, it wouldn't matter what it thought of him. If it was a genjutsu, it wouldn't matter that he was so weak, he wanted to be gone. And if, _if_ it really was Izumo, then it really didn't matter, he didn't care, because it was Izumo and he was alive.

"Oh Raidou" Izumo said pulling Raidou into his lap and holding him to his chest. Raidou sniffled into Izumo's neck and asked again _is it really you?_ As Izumo assured him it was really him and explained what had happened Raidou gave up all the walls he had built over the years, all the façades, and wept into Izumo's chest as he wrapped his own arms around Izumo's shoulders and clung to him. "Oh babe" he heard Izumo whisper as he lulled him and Raidou's dream from yesterday came back to him. Could it be? Had Izumo been with him all night? Was it really Izumo he had heard, had felt?

Raidou pulled away to ask "where you with me all night?" Izumo nodded "why'd you nurse me back Izumo?" Raidou didn't hear the answer he was pulled back into the hard chest and rocked soothingly. Raidou's body eventually stopped trembling of its own accord as his tears dried and his soul calmed itself. Izumo was alive and that's all that mattered. He let Izumo's gentle touches and comforting murmurs seep into his being. Suddenly Raidou sat up startling Izumo with the sudden movement. He knew it wasn't his for the taking but he needed the comfort to know that his friend was OK and cared about him "Rai, what's wrong babe?" Izumo asked frightened that Raidou was relapsing back into himself.

"Ko?" he breathed "he…" Raidou looked around searching "where is he" Raidou felt sick with the sudden motion. Izumo saw Raidou pale and reached out soothingly to help him lie down.

"His OK, Rai. Kotetsu's OK" he run his hands through the short brown spikes of Raidou's "his at the hospital slightly wounded but his Ok". He felt Raidou breathe a sigh of relief and closed his eyes turning away from him. "Rai" he asked questioningly trying to get his attention again.

"Why are you here Izumo?" Raidou asked Izumo in such a small whisper that he would have missed it if he hadn't been so close. "Kotetsu has it right. It's my fault that you nearly didn't come back. He hates me and his right too, I hurt him and nearly got you both killed".

Izumo couldn't believe this "Rai, how is any of this your fault?" he asked trying to get Raidou to look at him. "It's a mission Rai, we know the risks. And if it wasn't for all the training you give us we may not have made it back". And then it hit him, Kotetsu had nearly died. Raidou had nearly died and because Raidou thought…_Oh My God_ Izumo thought and jumped out of bed, knocking over the radio to throw up in the trash can. "Izumo" he heard Raidou call out. _What have I done?_ Izumo thought _I should have made them see sense. _He had nearly lost them both. He looked over at Raidou, who was so broken, so pale and for once so emotionally exposed that it hurt to look at him for more than a second. But he had to, he had to look, he had to remember, because Kotetsu was just as broken when he had returned to him, if not more. Both of them were hard headed and both of them were breaking inside because they thought the other hated them. He should have set them straight, it was all _his_ fault, he was to blame.

"Rai, please" Izumo begged as he reached Raidou's side again knocking away the fallen radio with his knee "Kotetsu doesn't hate you. And none of this, none of this is your fault, it's mine I should have set you both straight. Tell me why…yesterday…why you…" Izumo gulped, he couldn't it say _why you gave up? _Instead he took a deep breath "why didn't you come to us Rai" he said through tears "do Kotetsu and I mean nothing to you?" he asked "if not us, what about Aoba or Genma?" he reached out to clasp Raidou's cold hand. "We can't help you if we don't know what's wrong. What's bothering you".

Raidou just shook his head "it's nothing". Izumo looked at Raidou sternly "Rai" he pleaded again. Raidou looked away "I don't want to burden anyone, I'm not worth it" he mumbled.

Izumo shook his head in exasperation "are you serious Rai?" He cupped Raidou's chin and forced him to look at him "Rai, you are worth more than many men in this village" he shook in anger "and who said you were a burden? If anything I'm the one who's been a burden to you" he glared at Raidou for an answer but Raidou only lowered his eyes that were filled with so much sadness. "Rai, please. I want to help you" Izumo said searching his face for answers.

The pleading note in Izumo's voice, the anger, the fear and the hurt he saw in Izumo's face broke Raidou's resolve. His friend really did seem to care and it was only fair he tried to explain himself. He had to tell someone. His thoughts, his feelings, his entire being rushed out all at once incoherently at having an audience, someone that actually might give a damn about him. He had to tell someone and Izumo wanted to know. The words spilled, like the dam had broken and he couldn't stop the great flow of water anymore. Raidou spoke until his voice was hoarse and his mind slowly he felt his mind and body going numb again.

Izumo listened; listened to it all shocked and frozen to the spot he sat in, still clasping Raidou's hand to anchor himself. To hear Raidou say he had ruined lives; was nothing but a killer that took people away from their loved one. To hear he had failed the Hokages, the village, had failed _them. _To hear him say he wasn't worth anything, a liability, a burden and his scar was a reminder to himself and society of his failure. To hear each and every fragmented word from a soul who was always so strong, so resilient and honourable, it left Izumo speechless.

"Do you still think I'm worth more than many men in this village? After all I've done, after all the lives I've taken and ruined?" Raidou said now in control of his emotions, his body. He felt lighter, the real him was now out there and there was no taking it all back. Everyone would now see him for what he really was, a useless dispensable tool. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed when there was no answer from Izumo. Izumo still held onto one of his hand and just stared at him with a look he couldn't quiet decipher. Hurt? Anger? Pain? Could possibly be pity? That would be more correct, he was pitiful. "Go, Izumo" Raidou said "you never should have come here" he sighed extracting his hand from the still silent Izumo and lay down. He may have control of his body but he was still feeling dizzy "I nearly ruined you and Kotetsu" he whispered.

Izumo felt the large hand slip out of his and that seemed to rouse him out of his daze. He watched Raidou lie back and heard him say again _go already Izumo. _Izumo stood; he hadn't realised he was sitting on the radio and ignored the pain in his shin. He brushed the hair out of his eye uncovering both so Raidou could see all of him. It was only fair; Raidou had bared his soul for him when he had asked. He climbed onto the bed and cupped Raidou's chin running a thumb over his scarred cheek causing Raidou to flinch. But Izumo wasn't having any of it "This" he said kissing Raidou's scar "does not make you a failure. It reminds us of how much you have sacrificed for the sake of the village, for the sake of the Hokages and our safety". He kissed it again "You didn't ruin Kotetsu and me, you made us stronger and we love you for it. I'll tell you again, if it wasn't for you and your training, we may not have made it back".

Raidou pulled away from Izumo shocked at having his scar touched let alone kissed. And to hear him say such things, it wasn't true, he had nearly killed them, they couldn't love him. Izumo's words couldn't be true. He didn't need pity; he wasn't worth it and said so to Izumo.

Izumo grabbed his head in both of his hands and forced him to look into both of Izumo's eyes. He was angry, really really angry "Look at me Rai" he said furiously "don't you ever, and I mean ever tell me you're not worth it again. That you're a burden…that…" Izumo took a deep breath; he was letting his anger control his emotions. Raidou didn't need that, Raidou already thought so little of himself. "Rai" he breathed closing his eyes shaking away the tears that promised to spill again "Rai if only you knew" he said resting his forehead against Raidou's "if only you knew your own worth, you wouldn't question me". Izumo looked into Raidou's eyes and saw his gaze lower. Izumo had had enough; there was no way of getting through to his thick headed stubborn friend.

He forced Raidou to look at him once more, they were so close, he felt the wisp of air from Raidou's swollen cracked lips brush against his. Before Izumo knew it his lips had found Raidou's open mouth. He kissed him, first tentatively and when Raidou didn't pull away he kissed him harder pouring all his emotions into to show Raidou what he couldn't in words. He kissed him passionately asking Raidou to give himself to him, to trust him. He pulled back breathless to look at Raidou, to make sure he hadn't broken him, hurt him and when he saw life back in those eyes he kissed him again. This time gentler, he pried his way into Raidou's mouth and mapped it with his tongue releasing a beautiful moan from him. He repeated the action drawing out more sounds and smiled against the swollen lips. After repeated thrusts of Izumo's tongue Raidou finally shuddered and kissed back just as urgently pouring all of his emotion into it as he trembled under Izumo's kiss. They breathed each other in, clung to one another and gave all their worth to the other. They were lost in their pain, their pleasure, their own world were their emotions could finally be understood.

They heard a floorboard creak and both turned to stare at the back of a small frail figure limp out of the room closing the door behind him

"Oh god" Raidou whispered drawing back into himself. Izumo released his hold on Raidou rolling out of bed "Tetsu" he felt the whisper of his lovers name leave his lips.

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Just as you thought it was getting happier then _BAM!_ More angst...apologies lol


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Kotetsu awoke to the crackling of a radio with confusion. The hospital, he was at the hospital. He heard more crackling and looked to his side, to find Aoba had left the radio he was using yesterday on his bedside table. He panicked; if the radio was crackling it could only be Izumo. He sat bolt upright and nearly fell back down as the pain in his side reminded him why he was in hospital. He cautiously reached over for the radio and turned it into the right frequency when he heard Izumo's voice. He couldn't make out what he was saying so tuned it further and then heard _do Kotetsu and I mean nothing to you?_ Kotetsu froze; who was Izumo talking to. He figured the radio had been knocked and switched on by accident as the rest of the questions that followed were definitely not aimed at him. What had happened? Aoba had told him they found Raidou passed out in his apartment low on. He was supposed to be staying with Raidou.

_I don't want to burden anyone, I'm not worth it_ Raidou's voice came through loud and clear and Kotetsu shook. It was good to hear his friend's voice but it sounded wrong, not as sturdy and full of life but broken somehow. The image of a hurt Raidou with unshed tears glistening in his eyes crossed his mind making him feel guilty once more. He heard Izumo reassure him, tell him his worth and Kotetsu smiled, _Zu always knows what to say, he'll make it OK_ he thought. Izumo's voice came through again; there was pain and worry in his lover's voice and all Kotetsu wanted to do was go to him and hold him. Why was Izumo so broken? He climbed out of bed still holding on to the radio hearing Izumo plead with Raidou for something. He needed to find out what was wrong, why his lover and friend were acting strange.

He wrapped the kimono tightly around himself and pulled on his travelling cloak slipping out of his room and down the corridor trying not to rouse any attention. It was still early and most of the medical Nin's were preparing for their morning rounds. He switched off the radio momentarily as he slipped pass Nin's on guard and out into the village carefully. It was a nippy morning, he hugged his cloak around him tighter and attached the radio into his ear so he could hear what Raidou and Izumo where talking about. He knew it was eaves dropping but this was his lover and his friend and he needed to know why they were so upset. And for the third time that morning, Kotetsu froze as the words flowed from Raidou's mouth. A continuous stream of self-doubt, hurt, anger, pain and all said with so much self-loathing it bought Kotetsu to his knees. His face covered in tears, his body trembling and his chest tight causing a hitch in his breathing.

_Oh God Raidou_ he whispered crawling towards a tree to lean against it as he carried on listening clutching at his heart. And then he heard his name and it both shocked and fuelled him to go find Raidou, to tell him he was sorry and worth so much more, to tell him he hadn't failed the Hokages, hadn't failed the village and most definitely had never failed _them_. He wanted to hold Raidou and just tell him how sorry he was and hoped Raidou would forgive him. He walked through the village, his heart getting laden with each soul shattering word released from Raidou's lips over the radio. At this moment in time he would do anything, anything asked of him to bring back the strong reliable stoic Jounin he knew. The next set of words made his steps falter as Raidou's apartment came into view. The words were, whispered barely audible but Kotetsu had heard them clearly over the radio in his ear. He leaned against a post and wept clutching his wounded side, it wasn't true _I nearly ruined you and Kotetsu_ the whisper came_. If anything I ruined you _Kotetsu cried banging his fist against the post until the pain of the cracked skin numbed the pain he felt in his chest.

He took a hold of his emotions, as the radio went dead. He had to get to the apartment to tell them it was all his fault. That Raidou was worth more than he himself would ever be. He made the last distance to the apartment ignoring his own physical and emotional pain.

When he arrived he found the traps weren't set, the living room and kitchen were empty so he headed for the bedroom. He knocked lightly to not scare them but there was no answer. He could hear murmurs so he quietly turned the handle and entered the room. The sight before him wasn't one he expected, Raidou lay on his back with Izumo half sprawled on top of him cupping Raidou's face with both hands as he kissed him, not a chaste friendly kiss but one filled unmistakably with passion, love and other emotions he couldn't describe. He watched in shock as Izumo lead the kiss eyes full of lust and hands now roaming. His eyes swelled once more and his heavy laden heart cracked further as he watched Raidou respond after a while with just as much passion and emotion. He couldn't watch anymore and decided to leave as quietly as he had come and none would be the wiser. But lady luck wasn't on his side, as he turned, the floor board under him creaked, he heard rustling from behind and before they could say anything, he rushed out of the room shutting the door behind him as his heart shattered to pieces.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Kotetsu" Izumo said rolling off Raidou as he wrapped the sleeping kimono around him running to the door. He followed his lover's back; Kotetsu limped sluggishly towards the apartment door "Tetsu, please" he called after him. He heard a moan from behind him and watched Raidou's face drop in excruciating heart break as he threw up. Izumo was being split in two; he couldn't decide whether he should go to his wounded friend or to his lover. "Raidou?" he called questioningly behind him. He called out to Kotetsu again "baby wait, I can explain!" Though Kotetsu was limping and was clearly in pain, he was slowly nearing the apartment door. If he let him leave it would all be over. He looked behind him to find Raidou curling into himself as he threw up again. Izumo formed hand signs _water release, syrup capturing field_. That should stop Kotetsu for a bit while he sorted Raidou out, he knew Kotetsu was lacking chakra and wouldn't be able to send it effectively to his feet.

Izumo run to Raidou's aid and helped him up "Rai, look Rai, none of this is your fault OK? Once I explain to Ko, he'll…he'll understand" Izumo really hoped he had read all the signs correctly. But he wasn't sure; his lover was in a fragile state and had just caught him with another man, even if it was Raidou. "Izumo go to him" Raidou pushed at Izumo "Go" he shouted again looking Izumo square in the eyes. Izumo paled at the emotion he saw in Raidou's eyes but he did leave.

Izumo found Kotetsu mumbling curses whilst he struggled to gather chakra in his feet so he could escape. He sighed heavily causing Kotetsu to stop what he was doing and go silent. He approached Kotetsu cautiously to not upset his lover any further. "Ko?" he called trying to look at his lover but Kotetsu turned his face away from him. "Ko please, let me explain" he said softly trying to reach for him but withdrew his hand when he saw Kotetsu flinch.

Kotetsu knew if Izumo touched him right now he would break down but he couldn't gather chakra to his feet to get out of the syrup. He cursed his weak body he had no choice. "Get me out the syrup please" Kotetsu said trying to make his voice sound calm and level but Izumo could hear the distressed hitch in it.

Izumo heard footsteps behind him and saw Raidou collapse against the wall, knees pulled to his chest with his arms hugging his legs; he was staring at Kotetsu's back intently. "I can do that Ko" he gathered chakra in his own feet and drew nearer to Kotetsu "Will you listen to me please?" Izumo asked placing his hand on Kotetsu's lower back where it always fitted perfectly like a glove in the groove of his spine; he knew all of Kotetsu's weak point, knew his lovers body better than in his own. Izumo felt Kotetsu's muscles recoil under his hand and it stung him. After so many years together, to have his lover shrink away from his touch hurt, it was like a knife to the heart but he deserved it. He got no answer from the black haired Chunin, so bent down gathering chakra in his hand to release Kotetsu, picking him up into his arms. Once he was out of the pool of syrup Kotetsu struggled against his grip to be let down still hiding his face behind in his hair. "Please…please put me down" Kotetsu asked politely in a voice that betrayed no emotion, like he was talking to a stranger and not his lover and best friend of over 20 years.

Izumo obeyed, the sheer shock of Kotetsu's behaviour making his body lose its strength. Izumo watched Kotetsu's receding back "Baby, please. I love…"

"Don't" Kotetsu shouted brokenly "don't" he said again in a loud whisper his voice trembling. Kotetsu clenched and unclenched his fists as he lowered his head and slumped his shoulders. "I…I don't deserve you. I never have". Kotetsu started walking away again; Izumo this time reached out and forcefully turned Kotetsu to face him, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Ko, what are you saying? Baby…" Izumo stopped mid-sentence abruptly taking two steps back as his breath left him. What he saw in Kotetsu's face, what he felt at that moment would haunt him for years to come. He saw it shatter, the precious soul of his lover, his best friend and his partner, his everything "Ko..."

Kotetsu chose to ignore Izumo's pleas of _Ko _and shifted his gaze away from Izumo to over his shoulder. He noticed Raidou looking at him unblinking and Kotetsu tried his damned hardest and smiled at Raidou swiping at his eyes "I'm sorry Rai, I'm really sorry". He looked back at Izumo and smiled; he sheepishly reached for Izumo's face wiping the tears from his tanned cheek with his thumb silencing his mantra of _Ko please_ "He needs you Izumo, be happy OK?" Kotetsu said with a broken smile as he released Izumo's face. He turned towards the door smiling back at his friends, if this was going to be the last time he saw either of them he wanted them to see him smiling, that it didn't bother him and he really meant it _ be happy _he whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

**So obviously lots more angst. I am pleased to tell you this story is nearly finished. Possibly one or two more chapters to follow this one. Thank you all for reading!  
**

**DarkNoct - Thanks for sticking with the story from the beginning. The Angst will soon be over!**

**Kinkylittlewolf - lol any word of appreciation is gratefully accepted :D  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Kotetsu neared the door to leave but felt a solid force pulling him back. He looked back in alarm to find to his surprise Raidou gripping his wrist. Raidou had watched the two Chunins rip apart one another's soul and all because he had been too weak. Because he had given into his desires to be loved, to be cared for. He couldn't take it, he couldn't ruin them, they were beautiful, and they were perfect. His breathing grew heavy and his hold on Kotetsu's wrist grew tighter even as Kotetsu squirmed against his grip shouting _let go! _Images flashed through Raidou's mind "Arrg" he gasped holding his head in his other hand. _Not now_, he thought _not now!_ He heard Kotetsu's questioning _Rai _and he tried to clutch himself to Kotetsu's voice. He could hear Izumo's sobs which then turned into the targets cries of heart ache and then the peaceful smile of the target flashed through his vision to be replaced by the daunting smile on Kotetsu's face. "NO!" he shouted shaking himself out of it. "NO, NO" he repeated looking up at Kotetsu's "Ko" he gasped "Ko, don't…don't do this" he saw the fear in Kotetsu's face and shook his head again to clear it. _What must I look like?_ Raidou thought. "Please" he said now much gentler as not to scare Kotetsu. "It was my fault, he was comforting me Ko, it was all my fault" he whispered.

Izumo was now on his knees, collapsed from the grief of his world falling apart before him, he was gripping the edge of Kotetsu's cloak for dear life. Raidou pleaded with Kotetsu again "I'm sorry Kotetsu, I'm sorry for everything. Please…" He wasn't sure what he was asking of Kotetsu anymore, forgiveness? For ruining their lives? For taking comfort in Izumo's arms or for just not being what he was meant to be…strong.

Kotetsu calm as anything smiled at Raidou and crouched to Izumo's level and brushed away the brown tresses that fell forward hiding his expressional eyes. "I know how you feel about him Izumo". He looked up at Raidou with that daunting smile "I know how you feel about each other and it's OK" he said with a peaceful look "you can't deny that" he said looking at Raidou "I've seen the way you look at him Rai, your eyes dance in the light when you see him" he turned back to Izumo "and I've watched you Izumo, follow his back around the room, seen the longing when he leaves for a mission and the joy when he returns. The way you smile at him…" Kotetsu stopped the next sentence hurting him more than he realised and he breathed deeply "that smile…that was once only for me" he finished. Raidou and Izumo stared at Kotetsu, there really was no denying it but Kotetsu's calm façade had them spooked and Izumo hated that Kotetsu knew him so well and saw through all his fasciae.

"Your good for one another" Kotetsu sighed continuing "and I want you both to be happy" he looked from one shocked face to the other. Maybe it was the drugs he was on, but it felt right, they were good together and Raidou would be way better for Izumo than he ever was. All he did was make Izumo worry and clean up after his mistakes. He annoyed Raidou and just rubbed his friend up the wrong way. Izumo tried to speak but Kotetsu raised his hand "Please, let me finish. If you wouldn't mind" he looked at Raidou and scratched the back of his head with his free hand wincing as it stretched his wound "I'd like to spend some time with Izumo once in a while if he wants and…if you can forgive... me… I'd like to stay… to stay friends if it's possible" he smiled at them and released himself from both their death grip gently as he stood to leave. It would be hard he knew, the first couple of weeks, maybe months, possibly the year, but he could do it. If it made Izumo happy, he could do it and if it meant Raidou would realise his worth he could definitely do it. What was one broken heart when he could make the two of them happy right?

Kotetsu didn't see him coming, before he knew it he found his body flung and pinned to the wooden front door aggressively. He grunted in pain "listen to me Ko" Raidou growled at him harshly "and listen to me carefully" he breathed against Kotetsu's ear. "I don't know what's wrong with you but I'll be damned if you try to leave this apartment and your partner" he panted heavily. "What…what about your happiness hmm?"

Kotetsu refused to meet their eyes and shook his head. He knew it was cowardly but at this moment he didn't care, he was frightened. Frightened to be pinned under his inhumanely strong friend, frightened to look at his best friend and frightened because the world as he knew it had just ended. He heard Raidou ask again, _what about your happiness Ko. _Kotetsu mustered up enough energy to hold his emotions in check and answered "it doesn't matter, his better off with you" and smiled that haunted smile at Raidou. A sad and broken smile, which caused Raidou to feel both pain and anger. The forced smile was tasteless on Kotetsu's beautiful face and Raidou wanted nothing but to shake Kotetsu to remove it. But that wasn't what he needed at this moment; he needed to talk sense back into his friend.

"How can you say that? How can you walk away from him?" he asked despairingly and forced Kotetsu to look at Izumo who was gasping for breath as tears streamed down his face. "And why…why do you think he'll be happy with me? Have you seen me?" Raidou laughed and eased his grip when he felt Izumo's trembling hand on his forearm. He sighed, his voice now softer and looked first at Izumo then Kotetsu "I can't be loved KO, fate never intended for me to be loved, to be cared for. I got carried away when Izumo…" he looked at them and sighed "I never should have OK? You and Izumo, you're…your perfect, you're beautiful and if you two were to stop being together then nothing in this world would mean a thing anymore" he let his arm drop to his side as he felt the black haired Chunin's body tremble.

"Fuck you Raidou" Kotetsu murmured softly and then looked Raidou in the eye, face ablaze "FUCK YOU!" he shouted pounding his fists against the wall opening up the wounds again. Kotetsu was furious, his eyes were blood red and his face contorted as he repeated the curses again "If you can't be loved, can't be cared for, then I sure as heck can't be". Kotetsu cried his old self now more visible in the figure in front of them. Raidou grabbed one pounding hand and a worried Izumo the other "Let go" Kotetsu shouted against Raidou's chest which had pinned him back to the wall "Let go!" he thrashed at them furiously.

But Izumo and Raidou were having none of it. Izumo whispered comforting words in his ear whilst running his hand soothingly over his abdomen. Raidou looked on stunned at Kotetsu's state and kept him pinned and away from self-harm.

"I heard you" Kotetsu said eventually his body now giving up the fight against them. He rested his forehead against Raidou's chest as he breathed in his friend "I heard it all Raidou and your worth more than I ever will be".

Raidou and Izumo froze, what was he saying? How? When? "The radio, you knocked it over and I heard it all. That's why, that's why I know you should be together. Not me, no one wants me, I'm loud annoying and more trouble than I'm worth. Why you put up with me Izumo I have never known and I will always love you for it". Kotetsu sniffed and looked at Raidou "that's why I want you both to be happy, because I know you want him and he wants you. His too loyal to leave me but I see it in his face, the love he has for you". Raidou went pale as he looked at Izumo who wasn't denying any of it but had a pained look of relief on his face. Like a great burden had been lifted of his shoulders only to be replaced by a greater one. _Could it be? _Raidou thought _could Izumo really love me? The one who was never meant to know love…_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_Raidou went pale as he looked at Izumo who wasn't denying any of it but had a pained look of relief on his face. Like a great burden had been lifted of his shoulders only to be replaced by a greater one. Could it be? Raidou thought could Izumo really love me? The one who was never meant to know love…_

Izumo looked from Kotetsu to Raidou and stepped closer to Kotetsu resting a hand on his waist and squeezing "Tetsu I love you" he said turning Kotetsu's face towards him as he caressed his jaw. "I love all of you; your apart of me and I'm nothing without you". Izumo took a deep breath, it was probably best he came clean as Raidou looked like he would recoil back into himself. The usually passive, strong and proud Jounin now looked as small as them and more frail then the injured Kotetsu. "Tetsu I can't go on without you, so please don't make me" he looked at Raidou and smiled weakly "I'm sorry but I…I can't help but love you both".

Raidou just stared, at a loss for what to say. "I…" he began looking from one to the other.

Kotetsu gulped and lowered his gaze; it wasn't fair to make Izumo choose and if he was honest no matter how hard he tried, he probably wouldn't be able to live without Izumo. "If…if Raidou's willing to, I can share you" Kotetsu said in a low murmur. Izumo and Raidou looked at him shocked once more, their black haired Chunin had been nothing but full of surprises.

"Wait what?!" Raidou whispered but was ignored by both the Chunins. He was still getting over Izumo's confession of love and now Kotetsu was telling him he was willing to share his lover. Was this a genjutsu? Had he fallen into enemy hands because surely this couldn't be true?

Izumo shook his head, it would be selfish of him to have both of them "You love him too Tetsu, so why won't you tell him? I see the way you look at him, the way you used to wrap yourself around him when we slept, so tell him".

Kotetsu shook his head and whispered quietly "he doesn't want me, he needs you and I'm OK…I'm OK with that" as much as it hurt to admit to not being wanted he still cared greatly for Raidou and wanted nothing but to make him happy.

Raidou was bewildered as he watched the two Chunins discuss him. Talk about loving him. Did he get a say in any of this? But the last statement had him angry "Don't want you?!" he asked laughing hysterically "don't want you?" he repeated again in a low growl "Kotetsu, if only you knew what you do to me". This time it was Kotetsu's turn to be baffled as he looked at Raidou with big dark wet tired and swollen eyes from all the crying, the hurt, the pain making Raidou want to pull him into his arms and never let go. To protect him from everything bad in the world and take away all his hurt and pain. But he didn't have that right, Kotetsu wasn't his.

Raidou sighed, if he was rejected after telling them the truth it didn't matter because he had nothing to begin with anyway. "Ko, if only you knew how beautiful you are" he lifted his hand hesitantly reaching for Kotetsu's cheek. As Kotetsu didn't flinch away from his touch but actually leaned into it, he grew braver and caressed the black haired Chunins cheek with his thumb as he spoke "The way your eyes light up at the simplest of joys, the way you frown when your annoyed, smile when you've achieved something and when you grumble" Raidou smirked as he saw Kotetsu glare at him "god your even more beautiful when you grumble" Izumo laughed in agreement causing Raidou to smile at him as Kotetsu mumbled _your just saying that_.

Raidou let the back of his fingers caress Kotetsu's jaw and shook his head "No Kotetsu, I'm not just saying that, I've wanted you for so long. You sneaked into my heart without me realising and you bought Izumo along with you" he smiled at the brown haired Chunin again. "I don't know how to make friends let alone keep them. You and Izumo, your friendship means so much to me that sometimes I can't help but be over protective. I want to hold you and never let go, to protect you from all the evils in the world and never, never want to see either of you cry again. Your both so perfect together, you can't let that go. It was my mistake, not Izumo's".

Kotetsu sighed and looked first at Izumo and then Raidou "you mean that?" he asked. Raidou wasn't sure which part of his babble Kotetsu was referring to but he did mean it all so nodded and brushed the long black strands away from Kotetsu's eyes; he looked so much younger without the spikes and the bandage, so much more vulnerable.

"I'm sorry I caused you both so much trouble" Raidou said pulling away "but please don't leave him Kotetsu".

Kotetsu raised his gaze to look at Izumo, to finally see Izumo. He knew what he would see and that was why he had avoided it up until now. He saw heart break, hurt, pain, worry and he had been the cause of it all and he hated himself for it "sorry Zu" he said guardedly "I didn't mean to…" Izumo didn't let him finish and pulled his lover into a fierce embrace kissing him frantically like he had just come out of the water gulping for breath. Izumo's tears seeped into the black locks as Kotetsu clung to him and they both trembled with each released sob. Raidou smiled; glad the two Chunins were made to see sense. He walked away to give them some space and time alone but felt a tug on his Kimono. He looked up to see Kotetsu fisting the back of the silk exposing the boxers Izumo had put on him yesterday.

"Where do you think you're going?" Kotetsu asked between sniffling. Raidou was confused "I was just…erm just giving you both some space" he answered. Kotetsu shook his head "you're not getting off that easy Rai". Kotetsu looked first at Izumo and then at Raidou, he took a deep breath composing himself and then to their surprise smirked "I believe…." He said pulling Raidou closer to him and Izumo "you…you owe me a kiss".

Raidou was taken by surprise but Izumo laughed "Yes, yes he does. Several in fact" Izumo said kissing Kotetsu rubbing small soothing circles on his lower back. Izumo had him purring against his lips as Raidou looked on with yearning. Izumo pulled back and smiled seeing Raidou's expression. "Wh…Well?" Kotetsu asked a glimmer of their cocky Chunin coming back.

"I…" he couldn't believe it was really happening? That the Chunins meant what they said. He just thought…he wasn't sure what he thought to be honest. Izumo saw the confusion on Raidou's face and intervened "Raidou, it's simple we want you and you want us right?" Izumo asked watching Raidou's face which contorted in disbelief "right?" he repeated to which Raidou hesitantly nodded.

"We work well as a two, but I think we can work even better as a three" Kotetsu said with a real smile. Raidou trembled, trembled to see Kotetsu coming backing to them and trembled at his words. He turned to look at Izumo who too was less broken and was smiling radiantly.

Izumo pulled Kotetsu back in for a deep loving kiss not being able to resist his lovers smile "I love you baby" he whispered into his ear as he pulled away to make room for Raidou "your turn" he said with a small grin pulling the Jounin closer. Raidou gulped as he watched them and with Izumo's encouragement leant into Kotetsu's body but stopped "you can't' possibly…" his words were swallowed by Kotetsu. Kotetsu had pecked him before but this; Raidou moaned into the kiss, this was something else. Kotetsu had grabbed him by the back of the neck and forced their lips together and Raidou found he couldn't pull away. Kotetsu's lips were cracked but he kissed with his soul, every doubt Raidou had was lost within Kotetsu's kisses.

Raidou wasn't complaining; he could do this forever. Kissing Izumo was amazing he had thought, hard, desperate and beautiful. Kissing Kotetsu was breath taking, soft, gentle and caring. It was so unlike the energetic man he knew that it sent shivers down his spine and he felt his whole body flush. Kotetsu finally drew away leaving them both panting. Raidou smiled shyly at Kotetsu as he rested his forehead against the smaller Chunins, still in disbelief.

He pulled away from Kotetsu slightly and the doubts came rushing back looking at the two beautiful Chunins. "Are you both…are you really sure about this?" he asked as Izumo took one of his hands and squeezed it reassuringly. They couldn't want him, why would they? "I understand if you don't want…"

"Rai?" Kotetsu said cutting Raidou off by running his thumb across Raidou's wet and kiss bruised lips. Raidou gulped "hmm?" he answered. "Shut up and Kiss me again will you". Izumo laughed as Kotetsu pulled Raidou in for another kiss but they pulled apart when Kotetsu groaned clutching his side. Raidou and Izumo where immediately alert to his pain and fussed over him "I'm Ok" he said seeing them both worried "I just forgot… for a moment" he said breathlessly "do you blame me" he said with a glint in his eyes licking his lips making Izumo snigger.

Izumo took off the travelling cloak and pulled away the hospital Kimono Kotetsu still wore. "Kotetsu, how did you get here?" Izumo asked concerned, as his lover wasn't due to be released from hospital for at least another two days. "Kotetsu?" Izumo said sternly with a sigh "did you escape?" Kotetsu shrugged and mumbled _I wouldn't say escape_, _I may have sneaked out._ Raidou chuckled and Izumo frowned "don't encourage him Rai" Raidou blushed at being reprimanded and both Izumo and Kotetsu smiled seeing it, sharing a glance between themselves.

"What?" Raidou asked and Izumo touched his cheek running his fingers along his scarred cheek "you're so cute when you blush babe" he said laughing "why do you think we like to make you blush so often". Kotetsu smirked as Raidou went redder "see beautiful" he added.

Raidou sighed looking down at the floor still sceptic that they found him cute, beautiful and that they actually wanted him. As he was musing his eyes caught the droplets of blood on the floor reminding him of Kotetsu's hands. "Ko, we need to take care of your hands" he said holding them in his larger ones and couldn't resist but kiss the injury. Kotetsu looked at him smugly making him flush once more "You…must be tired" he muttered trying to avoid the attention the black haired Chunin was giving him "we should get you to bed".

"Really?" Kotetsu said arching an eyebrow "so that you can have your wicked way with me when I'm all weak and helpless?" he asked trying to ease the worry on their faces. This time the Chunins watched the deep flush travel down Raidou's neck to his chest and possibly lower through his open Kimono which stopped just above his navel. Raidou mumbled excuses and Izumo and Kotetsu laughed "his kidding babe" Izumo said picking Kotetsu up "Like you're weak and helpless" Izumo admonished his Chunin lover. "Rai, you need sleep too; your bodies still recovering. We've had… a long day" he smiled tiredly the days toll showing on all of them.

-oOo-

Izumo lay Kotetsu in the middle of the bed whilst Raidou fetched the first aid kit to patch up his battered fists. Izumo worked quietly running a warm cloth over the bleeding hands as Raidou pulled out a fresh Kimono for Kotetsu to sleep in "This…us" Izumo said breaking the silence as he glanced from Kotetsu to Raidou both of who looked at him frighteningly "it's going to take time". He let out a breath "to make it work we need to talk to one another when it…if our relationship gets too much. It's the only way it's going to work. So I…I need you both to be honest about how you feel and I promise to do the same" he pleaded with them. Kotetsu reached out for Izumo's cheek and smiled and Raidou aversely nodded. Izumo kissed Kotetsu's hands and lay back with him. He looked at Raidou waiting for him "Rai?" he called out watching Raidou fret with the gear he had dumped on the floor yesterday. "Rai that can wait babe. Come to bed".

Raidou looked at them and couldn't help but smile watching them curl up together. He still couldn't believe they wanted him even after his break down, that they didn't judge him for not being strong. "Are you just going to watch us?" Kotetsu asked "I can put on a show for you if you want" he said wriggling his ass but it made him wince in pain "can't guarantee it'll be sexy though" he rasped "still in pain, sorry". Raidou sighed as he felt his cheeks getting flushed once more. Izumo laughed smacking Kotetsu's thigh lightly and held out his hand to Raidou "besides, I'd like my body pillow back" Kotetsu said in a small murmur his cheeks brightening.

Raidou smiled with relief and took Izumo's hand and crawled into bed assuming his old position. Raidou closest to the door with Kotetsu sprawled against his side and Izumo spooning Kotetsu's, both weary of Kotetsu's injury. Raidou tentatively stroked up and down Kotetsu's back, now not afraid to touch him and having the right to do so "you're always sexy to me" Raidou said timidly in a quiet whisper. He traced his finger along Kotetsu's flushed cheek and smiled lovingly down at him glad to know he could make the boisterous Chunin blush too. Kotetsu leaned up and just as shyly as the Jounin kissed the end of Raidou's nose making him beam. The unruly Chunin was all talk Raidou realised, when it came down to it he was surprisingly a gentle and caring lover and Izumo who was much more calculating and shy was the more confident of the two when it came to expressing his love.

"Thank you" Raidou whispered to them clutching Kotetsu to him and pulling Izumo in closer as they shared more soft kisses with him. Kotetsu breathed into the crook of Raidou's neck whilst drawing patterns on his belly, glad he now didn't have to pretend to hold back. Raidou run his fingers through Kotetsu's locks and entwined his other hand with Izumo's, resting it over Kotetsu's hip. Izumo snuggled into Kotetsu's side his nose buried in his neck as he covered him in light smiling kisses. He felt Raidou's thumb draw soothing circles on his wrist and squeezed his hand comfortingly. Slowly they felt Kotetsu's body relax in their arms and his breathing even out. Raidou continued the circling of Izumo's wrist and kept his eye on Kotetsu. He still couldn't believe, it they really did want him and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about that. He had never been wanted before.

Izumo propped himself up briefly on his elbow to look at Raidou "I can hear you from here" he smiled at Raidou "Sleep babe, we can sort the rest out in the morning" he said leaning over once more to drop a kiss on Raidou's cheek and tangle his fingers in the brown spikes before whispering "it'll work itself out somehow". Raidou smiled back finally finding peace in Izumo's smile and the sleeping Kotetsu in his arms. All three shinobi's were frightfully aware that it could have all ended so differently when they had watched each of their world crumble at their feet. But they were stronger than that. Raidou's last thought before he was lulled into the world of sleep by the strong steady beating of one another's hearts was _I am Strong_ he smiled in his sleep _they make me strong. _

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_Well that's, it folks...Would Just like to take a moment to say a big Thank You to all of you who stuck around from the begining and hope I didn't disappoint as always would love to hear your thought. Will probably write a epilogue not quiet sure yet...I myself have fallen in love with these three and am sad to have finished this really wierd I know lol Once again Thank You and look out for my other work :D  
_


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**

**I missed these guys *sighs***

**So as I got a few requests for a epilogue here it is kinda, with some Light Yaoi...**

* * *

**Chapter 17 **

Raidou stirred, his mind was fuzzy and his body ached. The events of the early morning came rushing back to him and he opened his eyes hurriedly to make sure it wasn't a dream. The right side of the bed was empty. He reached out to find it tepid; his heart sunk as it was all too good to be true. He lay back and covered his eyes breathing heavily trying to clear his mind and the heavy weight he felt against his chest. He thought he could hear a tap running but he couldn't be bothered to go check and just lay there for several minutes. It didn't matter he thought as he finally came to decision; as long as they were both together and happy and he began to doze. He shuddered as a hand began to rub circles on his abdomen making him bolt upright. "What? What?" he stuttered seeing Izumo, his hair damp and a towel wrapped around his waist.

"You OK babe?" he asked watching the look of fear recede from Raidou's face. "Rai?" Raidou shook his head and covered his face again. "I…" he stammered.

Izumo lowered his head and smiled despondently "You thought we'd left you didn't you?" Izumo said sighing. Raidou nodded, he had promised to be honest, _sorry_ he mumbled. "Babe" Izumo said capturing Raidou's chin and to make sure he was looking at him "We'd never do that you" he said soothing Raidou's hair and bent down for a kiss, to reassure him it was OK. "Kotetsu was uncomfortable; I helped him with a shower and made him take some pain killers to his annoyance. Honestly that man" Izumo said fondly "you'd think he'd just do what medical told him but no". Raidou smiled glad Izumo wasn't making a big deal out of his self-confidence. Izumo continued his monologue lovingly scolding Kotetsu's stubbornness "And now… I think his making breakfast" he smiled more in exasperation then anything taking Raidou's hand. "Though I told him he shouldn't be on his feet. Honestly that man..." Izumo said shaking his head. "Why don't you go make sure our lover keeps himself out of trouble?" Raidou blinked up Izumo in a daze.

_Lover_ he thought, it had a nice ring to it. And yes, they were his…_lovers_. Izumo pulled him into another kiss taking him out of his musings. This time it was longer and lingering, Izumo smiled against Raidou's lips as he just couldn't get enough of them and rested his head on the broad chest. Raidou hesitantly placed his hand on Izumo's waist, still feeling unsure of himself but Izumo didn't seem to have that problem. Izumo slipped his hand through Raidou's open Kimono tracing the curve of his breast and running his fingers down the toned abdomen causing Raidou to moan. Izumo pulled away reluctantly as the beautiful sound from Raidou stirred his being. He groaned internally, Kotetsu was too injured for more than kissing and he wanted to take this slow for Raidou so he didn't scare him. "Mmmm" he sighed into Raidou's mouth "Go babe, before I lose all self-control" he smirked "and take a pain killer yourself" he shouted as Raidou left the bedroom stretching his aching body slowly.

Kotetsu turned as he heard padded footsteps head towards the kitchen. "Hi Rai" he smiled upon seeing Raidou's mussed look. "Hi" Raidou replied nervously. "You sleep ok?" Kotetsu asked "sorry if I sprawled too much".

"I slept fine, thanks. Was quiet exhausted really I would have slept Ok anywhere" it didn't quiet come out how he had hoped it would; Raidou sighed as Kotetsu lowered his gaze from Raidou. "Ko I didn't mean…" Raidou began and Kotetsu laughed nervously telling him it was OK. Things between him and Kotetsu still seemed a little uncomfortable. Kotetsu loaded a plate and passed it to Raidou; he smiled as he saw it was omelettes. Raidou took the plate and Kotetsu by the elbow "Sit down and eat. I'll make the rest" he said settling him at the table "you shouldn't be on your feet yet".

"I'm _fine_ Rai" Kotetsu began to argue but quietened when he saw the look of concern on Raidou's face. With a sigh he sat down and pulled the plate towards him "Least I don't have to worry about anyone stealing them as there all plain" Kotetsu said with a cheeky grin. Izumo laughed as he entered the kitchen hearing Kotetsu's comment "guess not" he said kissing Kotetsu's cheek and then pulling Raidou into one too. Izumo just couldn't help himself, kissing Raidou was a new experience and he savoured every moment. Raidou pulled away to put down a small bottle in front of Kotetsu who slowly looked up at the Jounin whose face was taking on a red tinge. Kotetsu's eyes were shimmering as he dropped the fork and looked from Raidou to Izumo. "I kind of…" Raidou began but was interrupted when Kotetsu pulled him into his lap and kissed him fiercely.

"Have I told you I love you" he said dipping the Jounin slightly so he could kiss him deeper. Izumo laughed as Raidou went bright red. _Love him? Could Tetsu really love me? _Izumo picked up the bottle and poured the syrup onto Kotetsu's omelette chuckling as he watched Raidou try to get off Kotetsu's lap. "Ko, I have to…" Raidou began. "Uh-Uh" Kotetsu said stubbornly "you're staying right here, where I can hold you".

"Guess I'm making the rest of breakfast then?" Izumo said with a fond irritation dropping a kiss on Kotetsu's nose.

"Ko, let me up. I weigh too much for you, your…" Kotetsu cut him off kissing him; he thrust his tongue into Raidou's mouth and fed him a piece of syrup laden omelette, which was surprisingly incredibly tasty. "Mmmm" Raidou moaned without realising and Kotetsu smiled "good isn't it?" Raidou nodded momentarily forgetting what he was saying as Kotetsu fed him another piece from his plate distracting him. "Tetsu please I'm stronger and bigger than you. Why don't you sit on my lap, you'll still be hol…"

"I just…want to feed you" he muttered "like…like I feed Zu sometimes" he said with a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

Raidou sighed as he saw the nerves it took for Kotetsu to admit that out loud and couldn't help but fall in love with the Chunin more. "OK" he said "But are you ever going to let me finish a sentence ag…" Kotetsu kissed Raidou swallowing his last word. Izumo laughed heartily as Kotetsu smirked before answering "nope" he then fed Raidou another piece of omelette through a kiss "I intend to keep your mouth full babe" he leered licking his lips suggestively. Raidou flushed bright red and groaned into Kotetsu's hair, what had he let himself into. He was a blushing mumbling mess. Izumo walked around the table wrapping his arms around Raidou and Kotetsu. "We intend to keep it very _very_ full _and _busy" he whispered into Raidou's ear nibbling at the lobe. Raidou gulped and released a moan, their words and actions were going straight to one part of his anatomy.

"What do you say we move breakfast to the sofa" Izumo whispered along the outer shell of Raidou's ear who this time, gulped audibly but nodded slowly too. Izumo extended his hands to both lovers pulling them towards the living room with a mischievous smile. Kotetsu sprawled along the length of the sofa and pulled Raidou down to settle between his legs, his back to Kotetsu's chest. Izumo crawled between Raidou's legs and began kissing his way from Raidou's exposed collar-bone to his lips. Raidou squirmed under the attention and then felt a second pair of lips against the other side of his neck.

"Ko" he gasped as he felt a sharp bite and then moaned shamelessly as a velvety tongue replaced the teeth "you need to eat" he panted trying to keep some self-dignity as he writhed wantonly between the Chunins.

"I will" Kotetsu replied shamelessly as he kneaded Raidou's growing length through his thin sleeping Kimono and boxers. Raidou lost all rational thought when at the same time as Kotetsu's kneading hand; Izumo's lip captured a dark nipple and sucked hard. He heard both the Chunins snigger pleased with their work as Raidou tried to supress his moans with great failure. _Oh god_ Raidou thought _can't have the Chunins tag teaming me. _He tried to bring his breathing under control and then threaded his fingers through Kotetsu's dark locks and pulled him closer over his shoulder to nibble his lips. He smirked with satisfaction as his action released a low whimper from the man. He continued to bite and nip at the lips and used his other hand to run his fingers down Izumo's back and along his side until he built up enough confidence to cup the brunette's ass check and squeeze it eliciting a gasp from the surprised Izumo who released Raidou's brown nub. Raidou smiled in satisfaction; there was no way he'd let the Chunins have their way with him without fighting his corner.

He continued his ministrations nipping down Kotetsu's jaw and stilled when he felt the hand kneading him hover at the waistband of his boxers. He looked up into Kotetsu's face and saw a look pass between the Chunins. And before he knew it, the Chunins had doubled their assault on him leaving Raidou a quivering wanton mess. Kotetsu smiled lewdly as he released Raidou's straining member from his shorts and let out a low groan which travelled straight to Raidou's core. "I see it's proportional to the rest of your body" Kotetsu purred in his ear as Raidou stammered and blushed further as Izumo kissed him senseless. Izumo pulled away to look down with dark lust blown eyes and licked his lips lecherously raising his eyebrows. Izumo kissed down his body and smiled up once catching both Kotetsu and Raidou's eyes, after which all they saw was the dark brown head bobbing at Raidou's groin.

"Mmmm" Raidou moaned as his lost himself to the Chunins, his last coherent thought being _I hope I'm strong enough to handle two insatiable Chunins... _


End file.
